Coop's Anatomy
by SumCoop
Summary: Based on Greys Anatomy, AU obviously belief me it's worth it! Just read it and you'll know more.
1. When will this day end?

**Hey everyone this is my new fic. It's based on Greys Anatomy I don't know if everyone knows what it is but it's basically an amazing show on ABC it's mainly about Meredith Grey who works in a hospital as an intern and the show takes us with her in her life and everything that happens with her. Now this is not a Greys Anatomy fic obviously it's an O.C. fic and Meredith Grey will be drums you got it! Marissa Cooper! You will see how she copes with being an intern and seeing as Ryan and Marissa are my favourite couple it's mainly about them! Okay now as some of you might know I love to write AU fictions this is one of them obvi anyways just read the characters introduction and the first chapter! Review! I hope you'll like it! Love Noor!**

**Character Introduction:**

**Marissa Cooper:** Marissa Cooper is a beautiful 24 year old lady who has graduated Stanford to become a surgeon. She is now starting at a hospital where her mother used to be the best surgeon of all the best in the entire country. She is young and very beautiful. The hospital where the story takes place in is Seattle Grace hospital in Seattle and Marissa is an intern there with a lot of others.

**Summer Roberts: **Summer Roberts is also a beautiful young woman of 24 years old who graduated Berkeley to become a surgeon as well. Summer is a very hard learning student she wants to do everything right she is also in the surgical program just like Marissa and she's also an intern.

**Taylor Townsend: **Same as in the show a little crazy but very nice. Cute too and an intern, she has had photo shoots for lingerie to pay for college. She is in the same program as Marissa and Summer.

**Dennis Childress 'Chilli': **Okay I know what you think what the hell is Chilli doing in this fic well I like him and so he is in this fiction he's quite the same in this fiction as he is in the show. He also is an intern.

**Luke Ward: **He's an intern as well, Luke is quite the ass in the beginning and he's quite macho. You will see him develop more into an actual human being further on.

**Now the actual surgeons:**

**Ryan Cohen: **Ryan Cohen is a beautiful surgeon at the age of 27. He's the son of Sandy and Kirsten Cohen. He went to New York when he graduated high school to study architecture but eventually didn't like it so studied to become a surgeon, just like his brother. Ryan has been asked to come and work in Seattle Grace as a surgeon. He's the best brain surgeon in the country.

**Seth Cohen: **Seth Cohen also handsome man also 27. Son of Kirsten and Sandy Cohen knew exactly what he wanted to be he graduated from Stanford to become a surgeon a dream that he has wanted to make come true since he was just a young boy. And he did without too much obstacles. He has been working in Seattle Grace ever since he graduated he's one of the best. He's a the best cardio surgeon that's in the country. His brother and he have lost contact he does know his brother is coming to Seattle Grace to work there and he can't be more thrilled.

**Miranda Bailey: **(character from Greys Anatomy) a senior resident responsible for training the five interns Marissa, Summer, Taylor, Dennis, and Luke , she is so tough that she's nicknamed "The Nazi."

**Karl Purdy: **He's the chief of surgery he can be harsh but he's a very nice man.

**I guess that's kind of what you need to know. Now I hope you've got the basics and in the first chapter everything will make sense! I hope you like it! Love Noor**

**Okay so here it is chapter 1 I hope you'll like it I need to find my twist in this fiction seeing it is something I've never done before. I hope you'll like it let me know by reviewing. One thing you'll need to know whenever the words are in italics it's Marissa who's 'thinking/talking'.**

**Chapter 1: When will this day end?**

_We always wake up knowing we made mistakes the day before .It begins when you're young and you tell a secret to one of your friends; a secret you weren't supposed to tell knowing you need to face your friend and also knowing that everybody found out. When you get older and you missed a class intentionally you need to face the teacher that will ask you questions and will call your parents. A test you haven't learned for and you know you'll fail. My mistake is lying on the floor…naked._

Marissa gets up not wanting to wake the person she has had an amazing night with. He's beautiful and he was very good but she is ashamed of what she did. She trips over his stuff and laughs a little at herself. She gets up and sees what time it is.

Marissa: Shoot! I'm going to be late.

Marissa walked back to the person completely naked she grabbed a blanket and through it over herself she woke him up. He groined a little but then got up immediately covering himself with his boxers.

Marissa: You need to go.

Person: Why?

Marissa: Because I'm late for my first day of work and I really need to go.

The man laughs a little and grabs the rest of his belongings.

Marissa: It was really nice meeting you…uhm…

The man laughs and makes his way over her he puts out his hand and shakes it while still laughing slightly with Marissa.

Ryan: I'm Ryan nice to meet you.

Marissa: Yeah I'm Marissa.

Marissa feels herself become red again he really is gorgeous and his body is so hot. She laughs shyly at him and waves him goodbye.

Marissa is fully clothed and runs out of her house trying to make it in time for work. She is an intern and if she's late she'll have a problem. Marissa runs to her car and tries not to come late on her first day. The drive to the hospital is filled with thoughts of Ryan. She tries to remind herself that he was just a one night stand and that she'll never see him again.

Marissa is just in time in the OR. Where the chief of surgery is explaining to the interns what they're going to do.

_We've trained our skills on frogs, pig kidneys, but now we can't try anymore now we need to do perform real life surgeries on real life human beings. It's not for fun anymore we need to stay alert because people could actually die under our watch. We are doctors now!_

Dennis was watching the beautiful young girl that came walking in. She had long wavy hair that fell dramatically over her shoulders; she was tall and had the most beautiful smile. He made his way over her and greeted her with a smile.

Dennis: Hi I'm Dennis, Dennis Childress but everyone calls me Chilli.

Marissa: Hi.

Summer came standing next to them she smiled.

Summer: So you guys also with the Nazi?

Marissa: Yep.

Summer: Great.

Summer and Marissa walked of together leaving a rather confused Dennis behind.

Dennis: You guys who's the Nazi?

The two girls looked back shocked she was going to be their teacher and he didn't even know who she was.

Dennis: I mean I know who the Nazi's were but who is The Nazi…Hitler?

Summer patted his back and laughed with Marissa.

Summer: Ooh you're going to do so good this year…Chilli was it?

Dennis: Nicknames sticking.

Taylor saw the three other interns standing next to each other she walked over to them enthusiastically.

Taylor: Hey Guys! I'm Taylor Townsend. Aren't you also excited?

Summer: Excited I'm thrilled I can finally call myself a doctor!

Marissa: Kind of yes. I'm Marissa by the way.

Summer: Yeah and I'm Summer.

The four of them talked about their experiences. Luke came over to them a smile spread across his face.

Luke: Dude the chicks her are frigging hot!

Summer: Nice to meet you too.

Luke: It's very nice to meet you want to go out?

Summer: Ew random! Ass!

Marissa laughed at her new made friend. She grabbed Summer by her arm and went looking for Miranda Bailey their resident. Dennis, Taylor and even Luke followed them.

They all waited for their resident to come and asked a nurse where she was and when the nurse pointed their finger to her, she laughed shook her head and walked away.

Marissa: There she is Miranda Bailey.

Summer: The Nazi…

Taylor: Do they really refer to her as that.

Dennis: You guys you just need to be nice.

Dennis walked over to his residence not really seeing the point as to why the rest was so scared of her. He tabbed her on her back and smiled at her. Miranda looked at her shoulder and then looked at the young boy that was standing in front of her a smile spread across his entire face.

Miranda: What?

Dennis: Hi I'm Dennis Childress. I'm your intern and I just wanted…

Miranda: I have five rules. Memorize them. Rule number one, don't bother sucking up. I already hate you, that's not gonna change.

Miranda: Now rule number 2 this is your pager.

She threw them their pages.

Miranda: Never loose it! Rule number 3 if you have a 911 you better, you page or call me immediately and you run! Rule number 4 when I'm a residence which means I don't get a lot of sleep and when I do have some sleep you only wake me up if your patient is dying!

The interns were all quiet and looked at Miranda no one daring to say anything. Marissa held her hand up very carefully, Summer looked at her as if she was crazy.

Miranda: Yes!

Marissa: You only gave us 4 rules but you said you had 5.

Miranda looked at Marissa as if she was going to kill her she didn't like smartasses and Marissa looked like she was one of them. Miranda knew all to well who Marissa was Julie Cooper's daughter. Miranda's pager began to beep frantically. She looked at Marissa.

Miranda: Rule number 5 you run when I run!

And that's when Miranda began running and of course her interns followed her.

It had been 2 hours since the interns started their first day of work. Meredith's first assignment is to help a 15 year girl with unexplainable seizures. The girl was a beauty queen Alexandria she was pretty and snobby and she had seizures that not one single doctor in her life could explain. Marissa walked away with Miranda.

Marissa: Dr. Bailey who do I need to talk to about Alexandria?

Miranda: Dr. Cohen he's there and he will tell you what to do.

Marissa: Who's Dr. Cohen?

Miranda pointed at dr. Cohen and walked away, Marissa followed her finger and when she saw who dr. Cohen was she thought she'd pass out. She looked at him while he was talking to some other doctors. He looked up for just a brief second he then got back to his conversation he looked back up when he knew who he saw. Marissa was now walking away as fast as possible; Ryan excused himself from the group and ran after her.

Ryan: Marissa!

Marissa: Dr. Cohen I need to talk to you about one of your patients.

Ryan: What happened to Ryan?

Marissa: Dr. Cohen please I'm an intern.

Ryan looked at Marissa and smiled at her he wanted to kiss her right there and then but knew he shouldn't. Marissa felt very uncomfortable with him looking at her like that.

Marissa: You're my boss!

Ryan: We had sex!

Marissa hit him across his chest and immediately looked around to see if someone heard.

Marissa: Shhh! It was a one time thing now we are going to act as if we have never seen each other.

Ryan laughed a little feeling quite comfortable he was never this flirting but he was with Marissa.

Ryan: Come on we have a patient to go too.

Miranda was at a patient with her interns the dr. of the patient would be coming every second. Dr. Cohen the best cardio surgeon of the country. Dr. Cohen walked in nonchalantly. He greeted the patient, the interns and dr. Bailey.

Seth: Mr. Drowse are you ready for the surgery.

Mr. Drowse: As ready as I'll ever be.

Seth: Good.

Seth had to pick one of Miranda's interns that would help him with this case he looked at the confident little brunette, and then he looked at the Jock that was standing next to her. There was a hyper intern and a quieter and rather nervous intern. Seth pointed at him.

Seth: Watch your name?

Chilli: Dennis Childress sir.

Seth: Mr. Drowse, Dr. Childress will prep you for your surgery.

Seth smiled at him and walked of with the rest of the interns.

The day had been killing everyone all the interns were tired and Dennis was extremely nervous for his surgery where he was going to prep in an open heart surgery. The 5 were sitting on the beds that were standing next to each other in the hallway. Marissa's pager began beeping she grabbed her coat and started running. This was her patient Alexandria what was she supposed to do if she was having a seizure. She ran as fast as she could and when she came in her room breathless she looked at an irritated teenager.

Marissa: Why did you page me?

Alex: Because you don't have MTV and Made is on I really can't miss it.

Marissa: You paged me for a channel, so there's nothing wrong with you.

Alexandria looked at her and didn't quite get why she was mad.

Marissa: Alexandria, I have a job you can't just page me because we don't have MTV. Now I'm sorry but you've just got to do with the other channels.

And with that Marissa walked away shaking her head.

Dennis was about to go in the OR, when he saw a very nervous looking Mrs. Drowse. He walked over to her and put his hand on her shoulder.

Dennis: Mrs. Drowse you've got nothing to worry about everything will be fine you're husband will come with you in no time and he will joke around the entire time.

Mrs. Drowse: Promise?

Dennis: I promise dr. Cohen is the best.

Mrs. Drowse: Okay.

Seth was drinking his last bit of coffee. Miranda walked up behind him and looked at the clock then realised he had to perform a surgery.

Miranda: So you did it again this year.

Seth: What?

Miranda: Don't play dumb Seth Cohen. You choose the weakest one to learn them a lesson.

Seth: Yeah well old habits die hard.

Miranda: You are something mister.

Seth: I need to go save somebody's life.

Seth danced a little. Miranda looked at him with one raised eyebrow.

Miranda: What's that?

Seth: My surgery dance.

She stayed looking at him like that.

Seth: Jesus do you ever smile!...I guess not.

Seth shook his head while laughing.

Dennis was starting the surgery listening to every instruction Seth was giving him. He was doing really well for a very nervous intern Dennis was doing great.

Seth: That's it dr. Childress.

In the watch room:

Luke: He's freaking out!

Luke was laughing with some other interns. He actually found this quite amusing.

Marissa was watching Dennis and saw how nervous he was but she would be nervous too if she was standing there he was actually performing the surgery only one intern could do that and Dr. Cohen had to pick out Dennis Childress the most nervous intern of this year.

Marissa: You know you really need to shut up, that someone of us out there performing a real life surgery he opened someone's chest not a pigs chest a real life human's chest.

Dennis was becoming quite relaxed and as if God wanted to punish him Mr. Drowse started bleeding really bad. Seth didn't panic and tried to tell Dennis what to do but Dennis was over come with shock that he didn't do anything. Seth pushed him away and started to operate real quickly. He was stopping the blood when the beep went flat.

Seth: Peddles! Charge to 80.

Seth: Charge to 100.

Seth had tried to get him back but he didn't get him back. Dennis was still standing on the exact same spot.

Seth: Damn it! Time of death 11.35

Seth stormed out of the OR, and Dennis quickly followed him.

Luke: Oeh Dennis is a 007.

Marissa: You're heartless you know that!

Summer: He's an ass!

Luke: I'm a cute ass though.

Summer: No you're not.

Taylor: You know that could've been you in there.

Luke: No it couldn't have.

Taylor: And why is that?

Luke: Because I wouldn't have messed up.

Seth: This is the hard part of our job Dr. Childress telling the family is the hardest part.

Dennis: I can't do this.

Seth: I know it's hard but you need to.

Seth looked at Dennis and felt bad for him he was exactly the same as him when he was an intern.

Dennis: No I mean I really can't I promised Mrs. Drowse.

Dennis looked down knowing that that wasn't the best thing to do. Seth looked at him quizzically.

Seth: You promised her what?

Dennis: I promised her that he would be fine that she would see him in no time.

Seth: You did what!

Dennis: I know I'm really sorry but Dr. Cohen…

Seth: Tell that to her. You got yourself into this mess now get yourself out of it.

Dennis looked down he thought he was going to scream or something. Seth looked mad he wasn't really mad but it was a stupid thing to do.

Seth: You don't make any promises about your patients. The only person that can keep a promise so big is God, and you don't see him operating on people!

Marissa's pager began to beep frantically again and again it was from Alexandria she let out a sigh. She began to think about what she would want this time Ice-cream, Brad Pitt? Marissa made her way upstairs feeling very tired. She opened the door and saw a couple of nurses running into her patients' room. She started to get very nervous she ran to her patient room and came in contact with a sight she didn't want to see. Her patient was having a seizure.

Nurse: What took you so long?

Marissa: I'm sorry I…where's Dr. Cohen?

Nurse: We paged him.

Marissa: Page him again.

Marissa suddenly felt very nauseous she thought she might throw up she looked at her patient and didn't see clear anymore.

Nurse: Dr. Cooper what do we need to do? Dr. Cooper.

Marissa got out of her trans and told the nurses what to do. Alexandria's seizure got a little less but it was still a seizure. Ryan came running in the room.

Ryan: What happened?

Marissa: She had a seizure.

Ryan: Why didn't you page me?

Marissa: I did page you!

Ryan: Yeah okay go now!

Marissa looked at him in utter shock held Ryan preformed on Alexandria as fast as she had ever seen anyone do it. She walked out of their feeling completely useless and she didn't feel the need to stay with the dr. who just yelled at her. She saw Dr. Bailey approaching.

Miranda: When something happens you page me!

Marissa just walked away.

She saw Dennis sitting on a stool in the cafeteria she stood next to him he was looking at his hands. She rubbed his back and let out a heavy breath she didn't even know she was holding.

Marissa: We're adults when did that happen? And how do we make it stop?

Taylor came in looking frazzled she threw away her gloves and sat down she had to do rectal exams the entire day and night.

Dennis: 007. They're calling me 007, aren't they?

Marissa and Taylor: No one is calling you 007.

Dennis: I was on the elevator and Murphy whispered 007.

Summer approached the group too and shook her head when she heard what they were talking about.

Summer: Okay, how many times are we going to go through this, Chilli? Five, ten? Give me a number or else I'm gonna hit you. I will jam your face into the wall and kick you in the balls so hard you will never walk straight again!

The three looked shocked at Summer.

Summer: I suffer from rage blackouts.

Dennis: Anyway Murphy whispered 007 and everyone laughed.

Taylor: He wasn't talking about you.

Dennis: Are you sure?

Marissa: Would we lie to you?

Dennis: YES!

Marissa was prepping Alexandria for the OR, she was chosen by Ryan to scrub in. After prepping Alexandria, Marissa walked outside to see Summer sitting there. She sat next to her and let out yet another sigh.

Summer: What's wrong?

Marissa: I'm going to tell you something I don't want you to show any emotion you can't say anything about it!

Summer: Okay.

Marissa: I had sex. With... Ryan Cohen.

Summer had to overcome her shock she wanted to say something about it but knew she couldn't.

Summer: So I love your shoes.

Marissa couldn't help but laugh she got up and walked away. Summer walked away with her.

Summer: So you and dr. Cohen did the deed!

Marissa: Shhh! You can't tell anyone! I didn't even know him I thought I'd never see him again.

Summer: Wow that is so hot!

Marissa: I know!

Marissa laughed and so did Summer even though they only knew each other for a few very long hours they already had a bond.

Ryan was pulling his coat on when he saw his brother approaching him in a very fast speed. He smiled and walked over to him as well. They hugged each other and laughed. They had missed each other so much Ryan hadn't seen him in a very long time. Dr. Bailey watched the two and everything fell into place Dr. Cohen and another Dr. Cohen. She smiled and walked away.

Seth: I thought I'd never see you again dude.

Ryan: Same here. It's been a long time.

Seth: Yeah it is! I missed you!

Ryan: I missed you too.

Seth: Have you told mom and dad yet?

Ryan: That I work here? I just found out Friday. How did you know?

Seth: Dr. Purdy…listen I really need to go I have a meeting now but we need to catch up I need to get to know my brother again.

Ryan: Yeah definitely man!

Seth: Okay see yah tomorrow man.

Ryan: Yeah bye.

Ryan and Seth hugged each other one more time, before Seth had to run of to his meeting and Ryan made his way to the elevator.

Marissa was standing in the elevator happy to go home the elevator stopped at the second floor she smiled when she saw who stepped in. Ryan laughed and walked in too.

Marissa: Did you let me scrub in for that operation because I slept with you?

Ryan: Yes! Just kidding.

Marissa: Uhu funny! I'll see you tomorrow.

Marissa walked out of the elevator as fast as she could not wanting to kiss Ryan or do something that she might regret.

_I can't think of a single reason why I should be a surgeon, but I can think of a thousand reasons why I should quit. They make it hard on purpose... there are lives in our hands. There comes a moment when it's more than just a game, and you either take that step forward or turn around and walk away. I could quit but here's the thing, I love the playing field._

**I hope you liked it please let me know by leaving me a review! Love Noor**


	2. Oh the responsibility

**Wow!!!!! Guys you have no idea how happy I am with all of your reviews they really do mean a lot to me! I'm very happy you liked it!!! Keep reviewing and thanks again for the amazing reviews! I have a one week break from school so you can expect me to post more in this week!! BTW I'm not using plagiary some of the opening credits are from Greys Anatomy so the credit of that should totally go to them but some are mine…in the first chapter I used a few lines that were said in Greys as well so that credit should also go to the writers of Greys but might I add that a lot of this is me hell I write the dialogues and the thoughts that is not from the amazing show greys anatomy. In this chapter the opening thoughts are mine the end thoughts are from Greys Anatomy and the rest of the chapter is me! Love Noor**

Chapter 2: Oh the responsibility

_Being a surgeon gives you a lot of responsibilities hell being an adult gives you a whole lot of responsibilities and you know what responsibilities really do suck! The scariest thing of responsibility it's that it never goes away._

Marissa lay in her bed staring up at the ceiling she was about to turn around when Dennis rushed into her room. Marissa looked at him expecting him to say something but he just looked at her horrified. Marissa looked at her body and saw she wasn't wearing anything except for her diaphanous thong and bra. Marissa threw her blanket around her and gave Dennis an evil glare.

Marissa: What?!

Dennis: We're late! You're late!

Marissa shook her head this was so not what she had imagined when she told Taylor, Summer and Dennis could live with her. Marissa looked at Dennis as if to say 'if you don't leave now I'll kill you!'

Dennis: Right well Summer isn't waking up either so you and her on are your own me and Taylor are off.

Marissa: Bye!

Marissa shook her head and gathered her clothes she went to the bathroom and just as she was about to enter she felt Taylor hugging her. Marissa turned around to see a very happy Taylor. Marissa couldn't help but smile slightly.

Marissa: What?

Taylor: I just wanted to thank you again! Thank you so much for letting us stay.

Marissa: You're welcome. Now I see you at the hospital okay.

Taylor: Yeah okay! Bye Maris.

Marissa: Bye Tay!

Marissa smiled and walked into the bathroom she turned the water on and stepped inside letting the hot droplets cascade on her bare back. Her mind wondered of at her mother she knew people would start asking questions but she didn't know if she could answer them she didn't know she could tell them she wanted to she didn't like it to lie but her mother had asked her not to when she still was in her right frame of mind. Marissa couldn't help but let the tear that had formed in her eye roll down her cheek. She shook her head trying to remove every last memory of her mother our of her mind.

Marissa could hear the door open. Summer came into the bathroom with only her thong and bra on and her clothes in her hand.

Summer: Why did Chilli and Taylor have to be so chipper?

Marissa smiled when she heard Summer's tired voice she sighed.

Marissa: I really don't know my shift doesn't start until another hour.

Summer: I know mine doesn't start till then too.

Marissa: I guess they were just…

Summer: Annoying?

Marissa: Yeah I guess…

Summer: So how are you?

Marissa: I'm fine how are you?

Summer: Look Coop I may not know you that long but I think I know you pretty well and you're not fine you're tired and not fine.

Marissa let out a shaky breath she didn't even know she was holding why was she like this why couldn't she just live a drama free life ever since she was 15 years old she had had drama revolve around her entire life.

Summer: Does this have anything to do with McDreamy?

Marissa poked her head out of the shower and looked confused at Summer.

Marissa: McWho?

Summer: McDreamy you know dr. Cohen.

Marissa: We're calling him McDreamy?

Summer: Yes we are.

Marissa laughed slightly and turned the water off. She shook her head sadly at Summer and Summer stayed silent she wanted her to continue.

Marissa: No it had nothing to do with him.

Marissa looked at Summer and saw her give her a reassuring smile she nodded for Marissa to continue.

Marissa: It's about my mother… she uhm she has Alzheimer. And everything has just been back firing she doesn't remember me anymore not even on her good days she doesn't know who I am she thinks I am her nurse but I am not I'm here daughter and I love her so much but she just…she just doesn't remember me and I hate her for not remembering me I envy her for having Alzheimer what kind of daughter am I huh? I blame my mom for her Alzheimer.

Marissa couldn't help but sob she felt the hot tears stream down her face and she closed her eyes, she could feel to slim arms wrap around her.

Summer: Shhh it'll be okay you'll be okay.

Marissa: I don't know what to do anymore. I just don't.

Summer: You'll know what to do when you need to, for now just need to live as long as there aren't any complications and things don't get more messed up.

Marissa wiped her eyes dry and smiled at Summer; Summer returned the smile and hugged her again.

Marissa: Thanks Summer.

Summer: No problem Coop!

Marissa and Summer came through the hospital doors both seeing Ryan and Seth come in on too. Summer looked at Seth and then at Ryan she stopped abruptly and Marissa turned around to see her staring at Seth and Ryan who just flashed them a smile.

Marissa: Sum are you okay?

Summer: Yeah it's just that something just hit me.

Marissa: What's that?

Summer: Well Ryan Cohen and Seth Cohen…then them showing up together…I think that they're family.

Marissa: Wow I didn't even think of that.

Summer: And might I add Seth Cohen looks very hot.

This time it was Marissa who stopped on her place she smiled at Summer and Summer winked at her.

Marissa: Do you like Seth Cohen?

Summer: Well he sure as hell looks great!

The girls both laughed their way through the hall and walked to their locker room.

Ryan and Seth were in looking at the board and saw that it was a normal board not a quite one but also not a busy when one just a normal board.

Ryan: Hey Seth I think we should have dinner tonight you know catch up just like old times a little Seth/Ryan time.

Ryan winked at Seth and Seth smiled proudly.

Seth: You remembered?

Ryan: How could I forget something as good as you're little Seth/Ryan times?

Seth: Yeah it's kind of hard to forget what a genius I am I understand it must have been hard for you living without you're mastermind brother.

Ryan: Right…

Seth smiled and so did Ryan.

Seth: You know what Seth/Ryan time has to require though?

Ryan: Pudding I know I know!

Seth laughed and hugged Ryan again.

Seth: I'm really glad you're back man.

Ryan: Yeah me too.

And with that both Ryan and Seth's beepers began beeping frantically.

Ryan: 911 got to go!

Seth: Me too!

Both run off in the same direction towards the entrance.

Marissa, Summer, Luke and Taylor were bringing in the patients running to one side to the other. Marissa and Summer were handling a little boy that was loosing consciousness, he was trying to tell them something but everything he said came out in a slur. Marissa got out her light and opened his eyelids he was trying to close them but Marissa needed him to stay focused.

Woman: Mike!!! Sweetie say something!!! Mike!!!!

Taylor tried to calm the woman down she was screaming and crying and Taylor tried to calm her down.

Woman: But he's my son!

Taylor: Okay miss you're son is being taken care off. You just need to calm down and tell me your name and what happened.

The woman tried to calm herself down shaking and still sobbing she saw a blond haired doctor run to her sun and she could feel the panic rise in her again.

Woman: Angela Spencer and that's my son Michael Spencer my husband is on his way over here right now. I don't what happened I was driving him too school when he just suddenly started vomiting her told me he was nauseous but I didn't listen so I drove him to school and then I got a call from his school that he was going to hospital and that they had called an ambulance because he was having a seizure.

Taylor took in a deep breath this was harder then she thought it would be.

Taylor: Okay Mrs. Spencer my name is dr. Townsend and you can come with me now you have to fill out some forms and Dr. Cohen will come and tell you what's going on okay?

Mrs Spencer just nodded her head and when they were about to walk away. They heard a beep pound through their ears. Taylor looked at the scene and saw a panicking Marissa and a very professional and fast working dr. Cohen.

Ryan: Damn it!! Flat line! Peddles give me the peddles!

Ryan began to perform CPR on the small boy that was lying on the hospital bed they had switched him on. Marissa was standing back and looked at the scene in shock she was not wired for this he was just a small boy he hadn't done anything to deserve this and now he might possibly be dying.

Ryan: Marissa? Marissa? Dr. COOPER!!!

Marissa was brought back from her shock and looked at Ryan who was watching her intently trying to see what was going on with her he knew that he was very scared when this happened to him in the first few months and still he didn't feel completely comfortable that a life was in his hands but he did love his job and he loved saving lives whenever he could.

Ryan: Take over Marissa!

Marissa looked at Ryan pleading with her eyes she couldn't do it she just couldn't. She looked around her and saw Summer and Luke with another patient that had been rushed in it was an old man he was having a heart attack or so it looked like that. She then looked at the other Dr. Cohen who was watching Summer and Luke doing their job quite well he then watched her and nodded his head as if trying to say that it was okay. For Marissa it felt like the entire world moved in slow motion she looked at Taylor who had Mrs. Spencer in her arms she was doing the best that she could she was trying to sooth her and move her away from the scene and into the waiting room. Then it hit Marissa this wasn't about her it was about a helpless young boy who needed her, a boy who had his entire life ahead of him a boy who was innocent. She moved from her spot and ran to Ryan. She replaced his hands with hers and he helped her up the bed. So that she could have a good position and wouldn't get too tired too soon.

Marissa pushed her hand in and out of his chest trying to get his heart beat back hoping it would help, how could this be happening? He was just a young child a helpless young boy who hadn't asked for this. Marissa could feel the tears sting in her eyes and she let them fall freely why was this day so hard? Ryan got the peddles finally and got Marissa of the bed with one arm he told her to continue pushing while he was taking her body in his. And she did continue she did what was told her because right at this moment she wasn't scared anymore.

Ryan: Charge the peddles to 100.

Nurse: Charged!

Ryan: Clear.

Ryan waited and hoped for a sign that his heart came back to normal he couldn't handle this he didn't want this he was still in front of the entrance. Nothing came back his heart didn't come back and Ryan could feel his heart flutter but he tried again he had to try again and so he did he tried three times and three times nothing happened he didn't get his heart beat back.

Ryan: Charge to 300!

Nurse: Dr. Cohen he's…

Ryan looked at the nurse with his piercing blue eyes she knew better then to cross him he looked determined and hopeful so she nodded and charged the peddles. And just when Ryan had put the peddles back on the little boy he could hear a beep come back. Ryan smiled and let out a sigh of relief he looked at the nurse who gave him an apologetic look he smiled at her trying to reassure her. And with that he walked away with the boy in his bed.

Marissa breathed a sigh of relief and was so happy he had come back to them even though the entire thing had been a few minutes it had felt like an entire life time. Where she had seen a death and life, Marissa looked at Summer who looked distraught shit she thought she has probably lost the patient. She walked to Summer who was standing next to Seth and Luke.

Seth: Call it dr. Roberts.

Summer: But I…

Seth: Call it.

Summer had tears in her eyes she didn't want to call this mans death she didn't want to do it at all and now she had to in front of everyone she had to call his time of death.

Summer: Time of death 10.46

Summer threw he gloves away and ran away Marissa saw Summer running away and ran after her she looked at Seth before she left who just shrugged his shoulders and began to take his own gloves of too.

Marissa: Summer!

Summer ran towards the staircase and sat down on the stairs she took her head in her hands and sobbed softly.

Marissa: Oh Sum.

Marissa sat down next to her and she took her shaking body in hers she couldn't believe everything was happening so fast not only a few hours ago Summer was the strong one and was comforting her now she had to be the strong one and comfort Summer.

Summer: That was the most inhumane thing I have ever done in my entire life.

Marissa: Summer calling someone's time of death isn't inhumane it's life it's part of our job and seeing that you care that only makes you more human.

Summer: I know Coop it's just so hard.

Marissa: I know sweetie I know, but you know what maybe you've lost one life today but you'll save hundreds of lives to make up for it.

Summer smiled at Marissa and Marissa wiped away Summer's tears.

Summer: Since when did you get good at giving people advice?

Marissa: Since I am very damaged myself. I'm so damaged that I can repair other people's damage. You get me?

Summer: No I really don't. But hey what else is new.

Summer and Marissa laughed a little and then got up Summer turned to walk away but then she looked back at Marissa who smiled at her.

Summer: Coop thanks.

Marissa: You to Sum you to.

Ryan: So can anyone tell me what Mike's symptoms indicate. Uhm Dr. Roberts.

Summer: Well he has had seizures while he does not have a history with seizures, he has had eye weakness, lost consciousness, nausea and vomiting and speak disturbance these symptoms are all conclusions of a brain tumour.

Ryan: That's right he does have a brain tumour now how do we treat a brain tumour dr. Ward?

Luke: What?

Ryan: I suspect you to listen to what I am talking about dr. Ward if it's too hard to listen you can show yourself out this is one of my patients and I would appreciate it if you listened. Dr. Cooper could you maybe answer my question help Dr. Ward fresh up his memory.

Marissa looked at Ryan nervously she knew exactly what they needed to do but what if she started to talk gibberish she saw how irritated he was by Luke now if she messed up she would be adding fuel to the flame.

Marissa: Uhm well seeing that Mike is very young he has a big chance of full recovery so in Mike's case the brain tumour can be treated by surgery and radiation therapy.

Ryan: That's right Dr. Cooper we will start with the surgery.

Ryan walked out of the room and turned back to see Summer, Marissa, Taylor, and Luke stare at him.

Ryan had seen how distraught Summer had been and he knew he was the same when he had lost his first 'life' he gave her a reassuring smile.

Ryan: Dr. Roberts you can scrub in.

Summer smiled at him and thanked him with a nod Marissa looked at Summer and saw how happy she was she then looked at Ryan and gave him a small smile.

Luke: Dude you get to scrub in on a freaking brain surgery.

Summer: I know!

Luke: Why do these things never happen to me?

Taylor: Maybe because you never listen or pay attention.

Luke: I would pay attention to you anytime!

Taylor scrunched her nose in disgust and just walked away she couldn't believe he was actually hitting on her.

Luke smiled as she walked away and followed her.

Ryan walked into the waiting room and saw a dishevelled Mr and Mrs. Spencer he threw his gloves away while walking to them, Summer was walking next to him.

Ryan: Mr. and Mrs Spencer?

Both Mr and Mrs. Spencer got up and looked at Ryan as if he was going to change their entire life's as if he was going to tell them they had lost their son as if he was going to take a way the little bit of hope they still had.

Mrs. Spencer: Yes?

Ryan: I'm happy to tell you that the surgery went well and we removed the entire tumour which means that he doesn't radiation therapy he should make a full recovery and it's all thanks to this young lady right here.

Ryan smiled at Summer who was looking at the parents but when he told them it was her who saved him she could feel her breath catching in her throat Mrs. Spencer hugged Summer and thanked Ryan. Ryan looked at Summer who smiled at him appreciatively she knew he only did it because she had been so upset after she lost her patient but now she had also saved another patient and nothing in the world felt better then to have saved somebody's life that is why she had become a surgeon she had known it all along but she just needed a little reminder of it.

Marissa walked into Mike's room and saw him hooked on to a lot of wires his head was covered with band aid and he was sleeping peacefully. Marissa sat next to him and held his hand in hers why she came here was beyond her but she did come and she did feel quite good about it. She looked at him and gasped sadly even though she knew the surgery went successful and he would make a full recovery she couldn't help but feel saddened he was just a little boy who had to deal with feeling nauseous, vomiting, not being able to speak and he had to find out he had a brain tumour it was just a whole lot.

Marissa: You don't know this yet but life isn't supposed to be like this it's not supposed to be this hard…I think.

Marissa looked at Mike who was stirring his eyes fluttered open and he smiled at her. She smiled back at him and he shut his eyes again going back to sleep. Marissa let go of his hand and walked out of the hospital room. She smiled to herself, although his day had been unbelievably hard he was still smiling he kept fighting and he was strong. Marissa shook her head closed the door and walked away, she had to be responsible she had to take responsibility over her mother.

_Responsibility. It really does suck. Unfortunately, once you get past the age of braces and training bras, responsibility doesn't go away. It can't be avoided. Either someone makes us face it or we suffer the consequences. And still adulthood has it perks. I mean the shoes, the sex, and the no parents anywhere telling you what to do. That's, pretty damn good._

**Okay so that's it! I hope you liked it please leave me a review!!! **

**Love Noor!!!**


	3. The Secrets

**Hey you guys, thanks you all sooo much for your reviews they really meant a lot to me! Thanks for keeping me bumped Kyle! Anyways here is a new post! Love yah all Noor!**

**Chapter 3: The Secrets.**

_Secrets…secrets makes all our lives so much more difficult. Secrets that you're not supposed to tell but accidentally do tell, can cause fights. Secrets that no one knows about can eventually come out. Secrets make everything in life a tad more dangerous._

Marissa walked into the hospital she walked through an empty hall, while yawning. It had been a hard day for here she had to do all kinds of medical tests and she was getting quite tired of it. It was now 5.30 am and she still hadn't gotten any sleep.

Ryan looked up from where he was sitting man was he tired he had been working 2 full nights and it was certainly rubbing of on him. Ryan heard footsteps in the empty hall way and when he looked up to see who it was his heart skipped a beat she was so beautiful even when she was looking this tired she was still beautiful. He hadn't gotten a chance to talk to her properly they had both been so busy, but if he wanted to talk to her now was going to be the time.

Marissa saw him sitting in a chair looking very tired and his hair was messed up but he still looked extremely hot in his dark blue work clothes. She walked up to him and saw him get up. Marissa looked around one more time to see nobody saw what she was about to do.

Ryan: Hey can we ta…

Ryan was interrupted mid sentence when Marissa's lips collided with his. He was shocked for a second but soon enough deepened the kiss and let his tongue slid into her mouth. Ryan suddenly felt the urge to feel her and make love to her grow even more with every second. Before Marissa could protest he scooped her into his arms never breaking the kiss and feeling her legs lock around his waist.

Marissa could feel how hot she was and it was all because of him. She never planned to do this if anything this was the thing she had dreading to do for so long. Not because she didn't want him Lord knew how much she wanted him, but because she couldn't resist her own feelings and she knew that after this she was going to get way over her head.

Ryan still had Marissa in his arms and nobody had seen anything yet, Ryan looked around hoping to find an empty room. He opened a door while Marissa was still in one arm. The room was completely dark and deserted. Ryan stepped in and felt Marissa leave a trail of kisses across his face and jaw bone. Marissa closed the blinds, Ryan made his way over to a bed and let Marissa sit on the edge while he was standing in between her legs.

Ryan and Marissa smiled at each other and continued to kiss. Marissa moaned a couple of times while Ryan kissed her. They both removed their white coats, Ryan looked at Marissa and took in her beauty he had had sex with her already but then he had been too drunk to even remember. Marissa kissed him again and again pushing her mouth into his and nibbling on his bottom lip.

Soon enough all their clothing was lying on the ground and Ryan was only standing in his boxers and Marissa was only in her panties. Ryan made a trail from Marissa's neck to her nipple with his tongue.

Marissa: ooh…ryan…

Marissa held his hair in her delicate hands and her grip around his waist was getting even tighter.

Ryan could feel himself harden with every minute and when she called out his name he knew he couldn't take it anymore. Ryan moved his hands to the waist band of her panties and removed them slowly. Marissa shuddered when she felt Ryan's touch upon her legs. Ryan looked at Marissa and she had her eyes closed her smiled and pushed his own boxers to the ground he wanted to surprise her. He moved into her with full force, and Marissa was very surprised she called his name as loud as she could and sat a little lower so he could move into her even more. With every thrust Ryan took he hit the spot that let her moan even louder over and over again.

Ryan held Marissa's long hair in his hand and pulled at it a little her head moved with his hand and he kissed her chest. Marissa could feel herself be on the edge and wanted to be with him when they would 'come'. Marissa moved up again and held Ryan's bare back her nails soon made marks on his back. He kept pushing into her with a lot more force then she thought was even possible. Marissa bit in his shoulder a little moaning through it. He was gentle at first but now he was being very rough and she loved it.

Ryan could feel himself come and so was Marissa he heard Marissa call his name very loud, Ryan kissed her very fast not wanting anyone else to hear them. Marissa looked at Ryan and knew she was free and he was on call. They smiled at each other both knowing that this was going to be a very long night.

Summer wandered through the halls she was looking for Marissa to go home with her she was actually getting very tired and now would be a great time to see her best friend. Summer looked around and didn't see anything familiar she looked back down the sleep was catching up on her and before she even knew it she bumped into someone. Summer shrieked and apologized immediately she didn't even know who or what she bumped into but when she looked back up her eyes met with the most beautiful and kind brown eyes she had ever seen.

Seth was getting kind of tired, he was waiting for Ryan to come home he was free and Ryan was on call, Ryan told Seth he was going to come home with him, just to catch up. While Seth waited in the middle of the hall way he could feel something bump into him. He heard the little brunette shriek and he immediately moved his hands over to her shoulder to try and keep her steady. When she looked up Seth could feel his heart beat quicken and didn't know what was happening to him. She was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. He had already seen her, she was an intern and her name was Dr….Ro…no Dr. Coo…no that was the blond, Dr. Roberts that was it.

Summer could feel her self flush and looked down embarrassed.

Summer: I'm sorry I didn't see you.

Seth: It's okay don't worry about it.

Summer: I'm actually looking for my best friend uhm her names Marissa Cooper she's also an intern. She's long tall and beautiful.

Seth smiled when he heard her describe Marissa she was indeed very gorgeous but not his type at all, she was however Ryan's type maybe he should talk to him about her. Ryan had always been shy with girls while they were living in Newport but now they were grown ups and well maybe he should push his brother a little to help him along they could just talk and get to know each other.

Seth looked back to the little brunette that was waiting for an answer.

Seth: Oh right your best friend Marissa no sorry haven't seen her, but maybe you could help me. I'm looking for my brother Dr. Atwood-Cohen. Seen him?

Summer: No sorry.

Seth and Summer stayed quiet for a while. They looked into each other's eyes and the chemistry between them was undeniable. They both looked down with a slight laugh awkwardly. Both of them started talk about all kinds of things how they got where they did. Without saying anything they walked down the hallway to the empty one.

Seth: So you graduated Berkeley, that's impressive.

Summer: Yeah it was the time of my life.

Seth and Summer didn't know what was going on they never talked to each other before but now it seemed as if they had known each other for years. Everything was comfortable.

Ryan and Marissa were searching for their clothes frantically, they both had forgotten about their appointments and now they were late…too late.

Ryan: Damn I'm late!

Marissa: Yeah me too.

Ryan: Well I didn't know we were going to do it 4 times.

Marissa: Neither did I mister!

They laughed playfully and Ryan kissed her again his arms instinctively moving around her waist while hers locked around his neck. Marissa moved to the door and opened it she turned her head and kissed Ryan one more time. Ryan put his shirt in his pants while he was walking out of the room making sure he left everything behind as it was when they first came in.

Seth and Summer stopped when a door was opened in front of them. Summer smiled when she saw Marissa come out.

Summer: Hey Coop there you are!!

Seth looked at the frazzled Marissa that was coming out of the room, she looked shocked when she heard Summer's voice. Seth saw someone's hand around her waist and waited for that person to come out too. Ryan still hadn't noticed anyone but Marissa.

Seth: Ryan?

Summer: Ryan?

Seth:…and Marissa…wow this is awkward.

Ryan and Marissa were standing next to each other dead in their tracks. Marissa cursed herself for telling Summer last week that nothing was going on with Ryan.

Seth and Summer looked between the couple and the 'couple' looked back at them.

Seth: Ooh busted…

_In the end secrets do come out, and when that time comes you better prepare yourself for a whole lot of explaining._

**So guys that was it let me know what you think by reviewing cause you all know how much I love those! Love Noor**


	4. The Confusion

**Hey guys I post once a week with this story but that's just because it's a whole lot of writing and it's difficult sometimes anyways thanks so freaking much for your reviews they really mean a lot to me! I'm so grateful that you guys like this story anyways over to the next chapter! I hope you like it and if you are confused about anything just ask away. Again a big thanks for all of you who've reviewed! Love Noor!**

Chapter 4: The Confusion

_Confusion…oh the confusion what do you do about it, you can see it in people's eyes when they are confused and their eyes pleading for an explanation but what if you don't have one. What if you think you have one but the other person who you share your secret with doesn't think that's what it is…oh god confusion makes me confused…and that really doesn't make any sense._

Ryan and Marissa were standing next to each other, with their hair messed up, their clothes not properly on and one of the most important things the glow on their faces. A glow that could lighten an entire street. Seth and Summer were still standing on the opposite side of Ryan and Marissa with quizzical looks on their faces. Summer could already make out what happened, but Marissa had specifically said that it was a one time thing and that it would never happen again, and by the looks of it, it did happen again more then once.

'So Dr. Atwood-Cohen thanks so much for your help you're really kind…but now I need to go so again a big thanks…bye' Marissa said smiling while doing so. She wondered if she was doing the right thing, she knew Summer would ask her a lot of questions but maybe this was what Ryan wanted to. It was probably just a mistake a heat of the moment kind of thing, but if it was a mistake why did it feel so good.

'Yeah no problem I should probably go to.' Ryan said feeling very uncomfortable. Why did she just say that did she have second thoughts and did she regret it now? Did she think it was a mistake…and if so why did it feel so good when they were together. Ryan turned around obviously confused and started to walk away, leaving an even more confused Summer and Seth standing there with now a slightly hurt Marissa.

'_Okay so he really thinks it was a mistake' _Marissa thought, she was beyond confusion right now, she couldn't even talk to him for he was already gone. Marissa looked up preparing to be overflowed with questions but all she got was a sympathetic smile from Summer. Summer alone, Seth had followed Ryan.

'So Coop want to go home?' Summer asked as she walked towards Marissa and linked an arm with hers. Marissa nodded and while they walked away she took one look back and now saw Seth and Ryan walk to the locked rooms. Seth patting Ryan's back as they did so.

'Okay man what was that all about?' Seth asked as Ryan and Seth made it to Ryan's apartment. Ryan turned on the lights and shrugged he then walked over to his kitchen taking out a beer for himself and for Seth.

'Still not much of the words?' Seth said it was always Seth's job to throw in a sarcastic comment; he didn't like it when things were too emotional, ironic huh he didn't like emotional situations but he chose to be a doctor himself.

'I don't know what happened back there…I really don't Ryan said while letting another sigh escapes his still slightly swollen lips due to Marissa's nibbles. 'Before I started working I went to some local bar and I met her there I didn't even know who she was and before I knew it I was taking her clothes off. Then the next thing I know she is an intern at the hospital I work…and I don't know we just clicked or connected whatever again I see myself take her clothes off but this time it was much more passionate with much more feeling I just I really don't know what to do now…' Ryan said and leaned back against his couch.

Seth looked at him and smiled at him sympathetically. 'Woow I never heard you talk this much bro she must really be special…' Seth said again attempting to lighten the mood but all it did was let Ryan's thoughts wonder about how special she was…

'Yeah she is…she really is…' Ryan said, what was going on with him he hadn't even known her for a month and he was already falling for her. This was not the way he thought things would turn out, she was just a girl a girl he spend one night with and made love to a couple of times. _'Made love' _Ryan said to himself. He never referred having sex with a girl to making love. And now he did, what was wrong with him.

'So uhm I hate to break it to you but what about Theresa?' Seth said. He didn't want to get into this right now, but seeing the state Ryan was in he knew he had to.

'What about Theresa?' Ryan asked doing his best to play dumb he never thought about it. He didn't want to think about it she was the reason he left his family behind and now he knew the truth and something that he really didn't want to see or know.

'Ry…look I love you and you're my brother, but you have to settle things with her first before you start this…' Seth said carefully he didn't want to hit a nerve. Ryan had been his brother ever since he could remember. Seth was 2 years old when his parents brought Ryan into their home and ever since Ryan had been his brother. Seth knew Ryan and knew better then to push things with him. Hitting a nerve was certainly not something Seth wanted to do.

'Look Seth just leave it alone okay, I don't want to talk about her.' Ryan said. 'So how's your love live been?' Ryan asked changing the subject; he knew that talking about Seth would definitely caught Seth's attention.

'It sucks dude…I haven't had sex since…' Seth said thinking long and hard since the last time he had sex and then looked back at Ryan. 'I don't even know bro it's been that long.' Seth said in utter shock making Ryan laugh at his brother, even though Seth could be annoying sometimes he always knew how to make him laugh and he truly loved him for that.

'Uhu so no one that you like…no nurses…' Ryan asked again smiling when Seth brought his hand up to his chin and began to rub it as if to look deep in thought.

'Well I there is someone but you have to promise you will not tell anyone.' Seth said Ryan nodded his head and listened to his brother waiting for the fire works to start and the never ending ramble that was going to come.

'Well today Summer Roberts and I had a moment…it was so freaking hot Ry, when our eyes locked it was as if their was a fire work, I mean my dark brown eyes melting with her big brown eyes soft ones. It was so hot I think that the universe is finally letting me use my charms again.'

'Uhu…Summer Roberts as in Dr. Roberts as in girl with the rage blackouts?' Ryan asked while laughing slightly.

'Yeah that's the one.' Seth said while taking a seat next to Ryan and taking a sip of his beer, while Ryan turned on the tv.

'Yeah that's the one' Summer said while taking a bite of her ice cream and staring up the ceiling while lying in Marissa's bed.

'So Seth Cohen huh, okay.' Marissa said taking a bite to. She was not really thinking about Seth Cohen she was more thinking about his muscular, blond hair, blue eyed, very gorgeous brother.

'But I can't believe you told me you two were over when you're obviously still going at it like rabbits.' Summer said, not even letting the subject slide. She looked at her now best friend Marissa Cooper who was smiling a little but also had a very big look of uncertainty written all over her face.

'Yeah well I think this was definitely it.' Marissa said, while closing her eyes briefly she wondered back to a few hours before and the way he held her, kissed her, felt inside of her, it all seemed so perfect.

'Well what do you mean with that?' Summer asked laying her head on Marissa's stomach while looking at her. Marissa immediately massaged Summer's head she didn't know why it was an instinct her mom always used to do it for her and she knew it felt really good, so now she did it for Summer and seeing Summer close her eyes, meant that it felt good too.

'I don't know I was just so confused, he is just so perfect and I'm not and I think I'm falling for him big time, and I'm just…so confused. I really like him and he's gorgeous, perfect, hot, smart and I'm just scared that if he knows me like really knows me he'll back away…I'm just scared…because I really like him.' Marissa said while images of Ryan kept flowing through her mind.

'Well sweetie there's only one way to find out…' Summer said trying to reassure her best friend. 'And don't forget you're gorgeous, breath taking hot, smart, and perfect too…by the way everyone has their problems…I'm sure Ryan has some skeletons in his closet as well.' Summer moved herself up and sat next to Marissa giving her a chance to take a big gulp from the Ben & Jerry's Chocolate fudge ice cream.

'Now lets take both our minds of off things with this awesome movie that never gets old…How to loose a guy in ten days.' Summer said while pressing play. Marissa nodded her head in agreement and smiled, taking another big bite from the ice cream.

_If you don't talk about things then in the end of the day confusion still doesn't go away. Talking that's the hard part, so you post-pone everything telling yourself that giving each other time will make it much easier when in the end it only makes it more difficult to put yourself out there whether it is what you want to hear or not. My advice, keep your legs closed girls. _

**Okay so that was it I seriously hope you liked it. To fresh up everyone's memory, the words which are written in italics are Marissa's thoughts she's actually 'narrating' it but just see them as Marissa's thoughts. Review! I love your reviews! Love Noor**


	5. Signs

**Hey guys, I know I haven't posted in a while but with this story I always need to draw some time out…and seeing as I didn't have a lot of time these last couple of weeks I couldn't write more…believe me it was not my choice! Anyways here is a post and I hope you'll like it! Love yah all Noor! Thanks for the awesome reviews!**

**Chapter 5: Signs.**

_Denial…is one thing I really don't like to do…deny and lie yeah I definitely don't like lying but even so I keep getting myself into situation where I need to lie…or deny something. Stupid yeah I guess you could say that again…I just don't know how to get myself out of them, and whoever said that the truth is the best thing for anyone clearly didn't have sex with their McBoss and then got caught after having more sex, by their best friend and their other boss who also happens to be the McBoss' brother...lying and denying I think I just have to stick with those!_

'Coop!' came Summer's loud voice from behind Marissa, while she was trying to catch up with her.

Marissa came to a halt and turned around only to face her very curious best friend. Marissa smiled when she saw her, she looked excited and that always made Marissa smile.

'Hey Sum what's up?' She asked while she continued to walk with Summer by her side.

'Uhm Coop what's up? Did you seriously just ask me what was up?' Summer said but before Marissa could interrupt with a 'huh' or a 'yeah' she continued. 'How can you ask me what is up…this is the first day back with you and Ryan both back, have you told him yet.' Summer said.

'Told me what?' Ryan asked as he took the charges of his patient and smiled at Marissa as he did so.

Marissa glared at Summer who was still looking at him with udder shock, Marissa then poked her in her side to let her know she was going to do the talking. 'Uhm…' Summer started Marissa again looked at Summer with wide eyes and Summer shrugged and gave her the most innocent look.

'Uhm…' Seth said as he joined them also picking up some charges and taking a sip of his morning coffee. 'You hear that Ry she said uhm, doctor Roberts the one with the big mouth who has always something to say is now not so talkative…' Seth teased and received a glare from both Marissa and Summer, which made Ryan chuckle and Seth smile.

'Nevermind I'm sure I'm the morning topic of everyone.' Ryan said teasingly while eyeing Marissa while he did so.

'Arrogant.' Marissa said in between her fake coughs. She smiled at Ryan innocently and he winked at her, Marissa felt as if she was going to pass out when he did that, and if she wasn't feeling weak already he had to give her his half smile. Marissa held the reception desk for support while she inhaled deeply, and got quizzical looks from both Seth and Ryan, while Summer just smiled and knew exactly what her friend was now dealing with.

Ryan completely oblivious walked over to Marissa and put one hand on her back to support her while all it did was make her knees even weaker. 'Are you okay?' he asked innocently and Marissa nodded her head.

'Yeah I'm okay…I'm great…I'm fine.' She said while smiling at him and standing on her own again, Ryan still looked worried, and Seth had long stopped looking at her, he was now eyeing someone's donut very dangerously.

'Cohen!' Summer said while she saw how attracted he was to someone else's food, making the person eat it very uncomfortable.

'Yeah' Ryan and Seth said in unison. Summer looked at the two bewildered and then pointed her finger at Seth; Ryan smiled and looked at Marissa again.

'Stop looking at that poor boy's donut…he's not going to eat if you keep doing that you know.' Summer said which made Seth smile even more.

'That's exactly my point dr. Roberts!' Seth said, his mission was accomplished and their lay a lonely donut on a table while the boy was nowhere to be seen. He walked over to it and made sure nothing gross was on it, and when he couldn't find anything on the service he took a big bite making Summer and Marissa 'ugh' in disgust.

'Poor boy…I'm sure you were the biggest bull in high school.' Marissa said, joining their conversation. Ryan just laughed as Seth did what he did.

'Are you kidding me Seth was the biggest geek in Newport…kids used to pee in his shoes.' Ryan said while Seth looked at him as if he was hurt.

'So that's why he is so…deranged!' Summer smiled at Seth and poked him with her finger, it was weird really Ryan and Seth were supposed to be their bosses but Summer felt very comfortable with both Ryan and Seth although she couldn't deny that with Seth she felt something, that's why she loved to tease him.

Seth felt a little spark when Summer smiled at him and when her finger collided with his chest and he didn't like it at all; he took some steps back from Summer and cleared his throat.

'Right…well this was all fun but we need to work now Dr. Roberts I want you to check all the patients and keep me updated.'

Summer looked at Ryan who just shrugged, she then looked at Marissa who did the same thing. 'Okay' Summer said as she saw Seth walk away.

'Marissa you can come with me.' Ryan said as he started to walk towards his patient with Marissa trailing behind him, while she looked back at Summer who was picking up every little charge she could find of Seth's patients. She mouthed and 'I'm sorry' and continued to walk away with Ryan.

'Great this is just…great' Summer said while letting out a huge sigh she had been holding ever since Seth told her she could do rounds probably the entire day, no surgeries, or watching some, or even a fun case she had to find a solution for…she was going to do absolutely nothing but make small talk with all Seth Cohen's patients.

'Complaining are we Dr. Roberts.' Dr. Bailey asked Summer as she took out a charge of her patient, Summer turned around immediately and shook her head no in a very fast madder.

'No I wouldn't dare to do that…I…I…NO!' she picked up all the charges and walked away pretty fast, with a simple and loud 'close' as she did so.

'Dr. Cooper this is Mrs. Bricks.' Ryan said as he pointed to the old lady that was lying in bed, she smiled at both of them and Ryan smiled back at her as did Marissa. 'Now would you like to tell me what is wrong with Mrs. Bricks?' Ryan asked and Marissa nodded while looking through her charges.

'Well Mrs. Bricks suffers from a tumor called Agraphia, it's a loss of ability to write and is common to tumors of the parietal lobe of the dominant cerebral hemisphere.' Marissa said while smiling reassuringly at Mrs. Bricks.

'Very good job Marissa, you did your homework.' Ryan said while giving her a brief smile. He looked at Mrs. Bricks again and was hoping she understood everything Marissa said. When she didn't ask anything he assumed she did and continued.

'Now Mrs. Bricks, Dr. Cooper here is going to prep you for surgery and then we're going to dig in there and get that nasty thing out of you.' Ryan said.

'First of all stop with all this Mrs. Bricks nonsense I'm not that old…well technically I am but no one has to remind me of it…so just call me Nancy and second yes Dr. I understand everything perfectly, I have been to several doctors before and they told me what I had and what would happen and they suggested I'd come here to Seattle Grace Hospital and be operated by the famous Ryan Atwood Cohen.' Nancy said while smiling at the young couple in front of her.

'Well I'm flattered thank you very much Mrs Br…Nancy.' Ryan said and then turned to Marissa he didn't no what possessed him but while he turned around to face her his hand instinctively moved to her side and gave it a light squeeze as if to tell her if she could do everything on her own. 'So you just have to prep Nancy here and if you're done page me.'

Marissa could have sworn the wind was knocked out of her when Ryan laid his hand on her side, and her knees buckled when he gave it a light squeeze. Why was she being so ridiculously shy around him, she was blushing when she was facing him and when he looked at her with those ocean blue eyes her words were caught in her throat she just merely nodded when she heard what he was saying and before she knew it she was left alone with a eye brow raised Mrs. Bricks.

'Ooh honey you're in love with him aren't you.' Mrs. Bricks said in her thick southern accent.

'Who?' Marissa asked nonchalantly while she was lying Mrs. Bricks down, and changed her out of her hospital gown.

'Dr. Atwood Cohen, I don't blame you he's definitely something. That boy is candy to the eyes, and you're in love with him.' Mrs. Bricks said while smiling a toothless smile at Marissa, who put her most innocent face on.

'Psssh…NO…goodness, I couldn't…NO! No way! Me in love…haha funny girl!' Marissa said, too bad her innocent plan didn't work and really confirmed what Mrs. Bricks was saying and Marissa was feeling although she would never say it out loud, not now anyway.

'Honey I've been living far too long and I have had my experience with guys…and I think you should just tell him that…' Mrs. Bricks didn't finish her sentence she started coughing very loudly and the machines she was hooked on made very fast noises, which made Marissa more nervous.

'Mrs. Bricks! Mrs Bricks can you hear me!' Marissa asked anxiously, she shone her little light in Mrs. Bricks eyes which were wide open as she continued to cough, she coughed up scarlet blood. Marissa held her hand on Mrs. Bricks face and tried to calm her down, Mrs. Bricks held Marissa's hand with her one hand and looked deep into her eyes.

'It's time…' she said through her coughs and Marissa couldn't help but let a tear escape her eye.

She ran to the side of the door and pushed on the white button that would let the nurses know she was having a code blue. And before she knew what was happening nurses were in Mrs. Bricks hospital room with the peddles.

'No Nancy don't do this to me!' Marissa said while more tears were now streaming down her face she couldn't help but be so emotional. When she was younger she had seen her own grandmother die like this and it was not going to happen to this woman. 'Nancy come on! Has someone paged Dr. Atwood Cohen?' Marissa asked and she got a 'yes' in response.

A nurse was going through Mrs. Bricks charges to see if she was allergic to anything, but found something else. 'Dr. Cooper she's DNR!' he said while walking towards Marissa and tried to hold her back.

Marissa shoved him away and looked at him with the iciest glare she could muster. 'I do not care what it says! She is my patient and I will not stop!' Marissa said while getting the peddles and putting them on Mrs. Bricks now bare chest.

'Come on!' she said to Mrs. Bricks. 'Nancy please…' Marissa looked at the nurse who was standing next to the machine of the peddles and looked at her. 'Charge again.'

'No…I'm sorry but no...' and with that the three nurses walked out of the room. Ryan came rushing to them in a hurry. He saw them standing there and looked at them and when he saw their faces all his hope was gone…flushed away in a single moment.

Ryan followed the nurse's gazes and they all landed upon Marissa who was in charge of everything on her own. She was now stroking the peddles together once again and put them on Mrs. Bricks' chest making her limb body jump in the air again, with yet again no sound other then the monotonous beep that was heard throughout the entire room.

Ryan shook his head slightly and told the nurses to go while he made his way into the room closing the door behind him as he did so. 'Marissa stop it!' he said but she continued. 'Marissa no DNR means Do Not Resuscitate…it's for a reason.' But yet again Ryan was not heard.

Marissa had given up on the peddles and was now pushing her shaky, numb hands in and out of the old woman's chest furiously, while tears streamed down her face and fell on Mrs. Bricks' chest. 'Come on Nancy!'

Ryan couldn't take this any longer it broke his heart to see her that way he moved over to Marissa and did the exact same thing one of the nurses had done to her only minutes ago, but he actually moved her away from her and before he knew what was happening she had collapsed in more tears and sobs in his arms, her head resting on his chest while she cried.

'Shhh, it's okay…it's okay.' Ryan said, while his hand stroked her hair. He kissed the side of her temple affectionately.

'No it's not…it's not okay…I let her go…' Marissa said, and somehow Ryan knew this had a lot more to it then Mrs. Bricks but he let it slide.

Marissa and Ryan stood like that for a while until her sobs, turned into heavy breaths, and until they turned to normal and tears were no longer pouring down her face. They released each other and she smiled shyly at him. 'Sorry…I didn't mean to…go crazy…' she said while she was looking down.

Again Ryan's hand miraculously found its way to Marissa's side and the other hand did to, he rubbed his hands against her side and they locked eyes. 'It's okay really…'

With that both Ryan and Marissa walked out of the hospital room together, walking their separate ways as they did so.

Marissa sat in her room alone watching reruns of Gilmore Girls. She didn't really listen to what they were saying, it was just the fact that she heard some noise that comforted her, making her feel a little more comfortable and didn't make her go completely crazy while she thought of Mrs Brick and more so her words. _'Honey I've been living far too long and I have had my experience with guys…and I think you should just tell him that…' _and that's where it stopped, she knew what she was going to say though. Tell him that you have feelings for him.

And why shouldn't she? If an old lady was telling her what to do while dying shouldn't she just embrace that and make her proud, let Mrs. Bricks feel like she accomplished anything, but then again…she was trying to say something to her and she died while she was saying that, there were just too much mixed signs. She died while proving a point…karma really does suck!

'Ugh Coop!' Summer said while barging into the door with a plate of food in her hands. She put the plate on the bedside table and fell on the bed with a loud sigh escaping her lips. 'I have never smiled so much my entire life…I trained my cheek muscles too much I tell yah! I wouldn't be surprised if I couldn't talk tomorrow.' She said while eating some of the garlic bread she had brought in. 'How was your day by the way…did the nasty nasty again?' Summer asked while Marissa choked in a chocolate bar.

'No not in the least.' Marissa said while putting the chocolate bar back down and getting up abruptly. 'But I have to do something so see yah…don't wait up!' she said and practically ran out of her bedroom before Summer could ask questions.

Ryan just came home and flopped down on his couch while turning on the tv. Today had been a very rough day, he had lost two patients…and he hated losing patients but he had, one during surgery and one didn't even make to surgery…and his intern had gone all crazy while trying to save the one that didn't make it to surgery…Mrs. Bricks had died and Marissa had tried to save. Ryan really couldn't blame her though he was something too when he was trying to save his patients.

Ryan heard a loud knock on his door and looked at the clock. 23.00 PM, he raised his eye brow who was coming to his house this late, probably Seth he thought. Ryan opened the door and looked at the beautiful, shy yet confident girl that was standing in front of him. Or woman she was definitely a woman…a woman with a mission. Marissa.

'Well you're definitely not Seth…' Ryan said. 'Hey' he added Marissa raised her hand and gave him a slight wave. 'Come in.' Ryan stepped aside and let Marissa in. He closed the door and both looked at each other. Green/Blue eyes locked with deep ocean Blue ones.

_The little white lies have to be forgotten when a certain someone tries to give you a sign or a certain something; which only confirms what you were thinking and feeling, because then there is no point in denying or lying. Then you are a person with a mission and the mission is to tell the truth even if it will bite you in the as.s later on. _

**I hope you liked this! Let me know what you think! Love Noor!**


	6. All good things

**Here is a new chapter finally! Thanks for the reviews! I hope you'll enjoy this chapter…it will be a little bit dramatic, but this story is entitled for a little drama. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 6: All good things**

_Can I call this love already, I have no idea, but deep down I know that I'm coming close to it. I'm definitely starting to fall in love already, the thing that is keeping me from telling him is the realisation that I know absolutely nothing about him, I don't know what his middle name is and if he even has one, I don't know what his parents' names are, I don't know when he had his first kiss, if he ever was in love and I don't even know if he is starting to have the same feelings for me as I have for him. And the realisation that I don't know makes me want to know so much more._

'So I know it's probably kind of late for a visit, but this just couldn't wait.' Marissa said uneasy, she looked at Ryan and with every second her passion for him grew, she needed to tell him not only that but she wanted to tell him everything she was feeling and everything she was thinking.

'Okay…' Ryan said a little unsure of what else to say, he motioned for the sofa and Marissa nodded her head, they both moved into its direction and sat down on it. 'Do you want to drink something?' Ryan asked calmly and hoping he would ease the tension. Marissa shook her head no and added a 'Thanks' with it.

'Okay so I know I haven't really been behaving normal today, or lets say professional but I have my reasons for it.' Marissa said Ryan nodded his head but stayed quiet he didn't want to interrupt her seeing as he knew she was going to continue her little confession or whatever it was. 'You see today when Mrs. Brick came in she immediately reminded me of my grandmother, her sweet smile, her knowledge everything reminded me of how my grandma was.' Marissa said while looking down, she really didn't know why she was telling him this well she knew; she felt that she could trust him and just tell him what she was feeling without having a particular reason as to why she had to do so.

'But her sweetness, and knowledge soon disappeared when it was discovered she suffered from Alzheimer, she didn't know who I was or who my mom was, and before we knew it she died…of a heart attack which runs in our family…and seeing Mrs. Brick have a heart attack just made me snap…I had to do something, I had to save her but I couldn't.' Marissa said, she was struggling with her tears but when she felt Ryan's hand on her thigh she pushed them back.

'My mom also has Alzheimer, and I'm scared…that she too will have a heart attack and that I can't do anything about it, that I can not save her if it happens. I'm sorry I'm telling you all this I'm just scared and I trust you.' Marissa said the tears were now slowly running down her pinkish cheeks. Ryan looked at the distraught woman that was sitting on his sofa the woman that had been through too much in her life already and he couldn't help but feel guilty. He hugged Marissa and she gladly accepted the hug, she placed her head in the crook of his neck and took in Ryan's scent, which was a mixture of his coco shampoo and his lovely cologne.

After a few minutes of just holding on to him, she released him and wiped away the tears, Marissa took in a deep breath and would now tell him what she was actually came for. 'That actually wasn't what I wanted to tell you when I came here, I just had to tell you, don't ask me why because I don't even know why.' She said with a slight laugh and a sweet smile, that made Ryan's heart beat faster.

'I promised Mrs. Brick that I was going to tell you how I really felt about you, and Ryan I know this seems fast but after everything I don't think it's that fast…I'm starting to fall in love with you Ryan Atwood-Cohen, actually I think I'm already in love with you, and I want to know you, you know more about me then I know about you, I want to do more then just make love to you, I want to know you, really know you.' Marissa said with a shy smile.

Ryan watched her and could feel all the guilt rush back through his body again, he knew from that point on he was no longer going to be this man, this man who he hated. He was positive he was starting to fall in love with Marissa too, but what was going on now was not fair not fair to him and certainly not fair to Marissa.

**Honestly what will become of me?**

**don't like reality**

**It's way too clear to me**

**But really life is daily**

**We are what we don't see**

**Missed everything daydreaming **

'Marissa I want that too, but there are certain things in my life that I need to figure out before anything can happen between us, anything else.' Ryan said he saw Marissa's shy smile change into a frown and a sad look. He hated himself for this moment but couldn't keep this going on longer not until he had the things figured out.

'What?' asked Marissa was he really saying that he didn't want the same thing as her, was he just saying that they couldn't be anything, that they just had some sex, didn't he see it like she did, didn't he see it as making love, because that is how she experienced it. 'What things?' she asked.

'Things that have to be settled before I even…I just need to settle things…' Ryan said he was clearly not being obvious and straight to the point with Marissa, but how could he tell a girl that he already was starting to love that she had been making love to a married man, a man who had a wife waiting for him in New York, a man who had left his house in the spur of the moment, a man who had planned his future with that woman. How could he tell Marissa that he had to choose between his wife and his…what was she, she was not his mistress nor was she his girlfriend, and it was too soon to call her his soul mate, regardless of what she was, he had to choose between Theresa and Marissa, and neither of them knew he was going to make a choice. Better yet neither knew the existence of one another.

'Look Marissa I'm sorry but for right now we should just be friends…' Ryan said as he locked his eyes with her sad ones. Marissa choked back a sob and felt like the biggest fool in that moment.

**Flames to dust**

**Lovers to friends**

**Why do all good things come to an end?**

'Friends…Ryan since we've met each other we haven't been friends, or at least for as far as I know, friends don't do the things we did.' She said how could he say this weren't they on the same page didn't they want the same things. Marissa laughed bitterly, clearly they didn't.

**Flames to dust**

**Lovers to friends**

**Why do all good things come to an end?**

**come to an end come to an**

**Why do all good things come to an end?**

**come to an end come to an**

**Why do all good things come to an end?**

'I'm sorry…' Ryan said he didn't know what else to say, Marissa got up she was shocked and hurt didn't she just give him a confession about how she already fell in love with him just minutes ago, didn't he hear her say she trusted him. Marissa looked at Ryan one last time, she was not going to pretend this, what he had just said didn't hurt her, because it did. It made her want to curl up and weep with someone there to comfort her. She let the tears that had been brimming her eyes pour down her delicate cheeks.

She let out yet another sob while coming to a standing position she gave him a hurt look, and saw the hurt in his eyes as well but why would he be hurt he was the one that told her to be just friends, he was the one that practically turned her down. She walked towards his door and heard him say. 'Marissa please sit and calm down, you're in no condition to drive.' Marissa chose to ignore him.

'That's not good enough.' Marissa replied to his attempt of apology she practically ran out of his house and closed the door behind her, she ran towards her car, her hands were shaking due to her now uncontrollable cries, but she managed to open her car get in turn on the engine have one look at Ryan who was standing in his doorway and drive away.

After a good 15 minutes of crying she parked her car in front of her house, all the lights were out and she had no tears any longer, she heard his voice over and over again. Telling her he wanted to be friends, fundamentally telling her he didn't feel the same way. Letting out yet another sigh Marissa locked her doors and walked up the few steps to her house. She came in and went straight to her room. Lying down his voice kept replaying itself in her mind, she could still feel his touch on her thigh, she could still remember his sweet scent, everything that had anything to do with him was vividly replaying itself in her mind.

**Travelling I only stop at exits**

**Wondering if I'll stay**

**Young and restless**

**Living this way I stress less**

**I want to pull away when the dream dies**

**The pain sets in and I don't cry**

**I only feel gravity and I wonder why**

Marissa rolled over in her bed and set her alarm off, she hadn't slept that night, not after the painful conversation she had had with the man of her dreams, with Ryan. How could she be so vulnerable, and why had she ever agreed to play the future game with Summer a week before. 'How'd it go?' asked Summer as she came into Marissa's room fully clothed.

'What?' Marissa asked clearly distracted by the thoughts in her head. Summer sat down on Marissa's bed and looked at her in shock; she knew what she was talking about.

'You're late night visit to Ryan, how did it go did you finally tell him what you are feeling for him?' Summer asked while she looked at Marissa's pained expression. Summer immediately questioned herself had she said something wrong.

'It went well until he told me he just wanted to be friends and that he didn't feel the same way for me.' Marissa said as she pulled her blanket up to her chin and closed her eyes tightly she was refusing to cry over him anymore.

'Aw baby…I'm so sorry.' said Summer as she bent down and planted a loving kiss on Marissa's fore head. 'But that doesn't make sense at all…I was sure he was feeling the same way…' Summer said, Marissa nodded slightly and stared at her ceiling. 'Those Cohen brothers are really something, I have a great time with Seth and we were actually starting to like each other next thing I know he's acting really hostile around me.' said Summer as she too lay down next to Marissa and stared at the ceiling.

'I know me and Ryan make love a couple of times, like really make love, when I tell him we can't anymore he comes after me and when I tell him I have feelings for him he suddenly tells me we need to be friends.' Marissa added, she really loved Summer when she told her what she was feeling and that Marissa wasn't crazy.

'Guys…I'm giving up on them.' Summer said as she turned on her side so she was facing Marissa. 'Me too.' came Marissa's reply the girls pinkie swore on it and got up to get ready to go to work and face the inevitable.

**Flames to dust**

**Lovers to friends**

**Why do all good things come to an end?**

**Flames to dust**

**Lovers to friends**

**Why do all good things come to an end?**

'Dr. Cooper you're doing rounds with Dr. Cohen.' said dr. Bailey and soon walked away, Marissa looked like she had just been hit by a mail truck which Dr. Cohen did she mean. Ryan or Seth and did it really matter with which one she wanted to work, they were brothers meaning that Seth probably already knew what had happened, meaning it was going to be one awkward morning.

'Dr. Cooper, we have a patient with a gun shot wound, I need you in the OR pronto!' said Seth as he run away, was he being mean to her or just strictly professional, did he just yell at her or was he under a lot of pressure. Was she reading too much into things, she didn't know but right now it didn't matter they had a patient to save.

Marissa shook the thought out of her head and started to run towards the OR she accidentally bumped into someone, and when she looked up to see who it was she wished she had kept her eyes on the hall way and not on the ground. Ryan steadied Marissa and gave her his signature smile. Marissa could feel her knees go weak, and all the times she had cursed the little voice in her head who most of the time had been nagging her she was thanking that little voice right now seeing as it told her to keep her act on.

**Well the dogs were whistling a new tune**

**Barking at the new moon**

**Hoping it would come soon so that they could**

**Dogs were whistling a new tune**

**Barking at the new moon**

**Hoping it would come soon so that they could**

**Die die die die die**

'I'm sorry…' said Ryan in a low voice, and Marissa immediately knew he wasn't apologizing for bumping into her but for what happened yesterday. She smiled at him and pulled away from his grip on her.

'It's okay you didn't see me…' Marissa said in the same low and meaningful voice Ryan had just used, also Ryan knew that what she said had nothing to do with their bump, it had a reason behind it, the pain was evident in her voice when she said that, pain that he caused to be there. 'I need to go' said Marissa and with that she continued to run to the OR, her head up as she did so.

**Flames to dust**

**Lovers to friends**

**Why do all good things come to an end?**

After what seemed like hours Seth and Marissa finally washed their hands and sat back down in the washroom, they had preformed an excellent surgery well Seth had preformed an excellent surgery and Marissa had helped him a little. He had taken the bullet out without damaging anything, and the man was going to be better soon.

'Dr. Cohen that was amazing.' Marissa said as she threw away the paper she had just dried her hands with she looked at Seth and offered him a small smile.

'Seth it's just Seth…Dr. Cohen makes me feel like my father…and I'm still in denial with being the crazy eyebrow man's son.' Seth said laughing at his own joke, he got a quizzical look from Marissa and shook his head a little. 'When you'll meet him you'll know what I'm talking about.' he said. Marissa just merely nodded and laughed slightly.

'Well Seth it was an amazing surgery.' Marissa said as she got up to walk away. 'Thanks' Seth said, she turned around and nodded sweetly at him and continued to walk away Seth followed her and when they were about to go their separate ways Seth spoke up.

**Flames to dust**

**Lovers to friends**

**Why do all good things come to an end?**

**Flames to dust**

**Lovers to friends**

**Why do all good things come to an end?**

'Hey Marissa…' he said Marissa turned around slightly and looked at him, she waited for him to continue and he did not disappoint. 'Just hang in there okay.' He said and walked away.

Marissa immediately knew he was not talking about something work related he was talking about her weird relationship, if you could call it that with his brother. She wasn't sure what he was trying to tell her, hang in there with being friends, hang in there and wait for him, hang in there because…? She didn't know and she wished that one day she'd find out for what she was supposed to be hanging in.

**Well the dogs were barking at a new moon**

**Whistling a new tune**

**Hoping it would come soon**

**And the sun was wondering if it should stay away for a day til the feeling went away**

**And the sky was falling on the clouds were dropping and**

**the rain forgot how to bring salvation**

**the dogs were barking at the new moon**

**Whistling a new tune**

**Hoping it would come soon so that they could die.**

_Sometimes not knowing is better then knowing but in this situation being left in the dark literally means being left in the dark, it's not something anyone should have to experience, it's frightening, not knowing what you're waiting for, and if you're even waiting for something, maybe you're waiting for something that isn't even there maybe you're waiting for a dream to come true, but sometimes dreams don't come true. Therefore from time to time knowing is much better then not knowing. _

**Hope you guys liked it, song I used is called All good things by Nelly Furtado. Let me know what you think by leaving me a review! Love Noor!**


	7. Fight with or against

**Thank you guys so much for your reviews I love them dearly, seriously do! Keep reviewing and I'll keep writing…also everything will be explained further on as always. Anyways a big thanks. Lots of love Noor!**

Chapter 7: Fight with or against.

_Do you ever feel like you've made some huge mistake in your life, concerning boys like you had to play them hot and cold before you told him what you felt but then when you say it you feel relieved until the guy tells you he wants to be friends. I don't know what that is and I certainly don't know what to do about it, do I keep my head up high or do I roll up in a little ball and weep, but what if there's more behind the fact that he just wants to be friends, what if you could see in his eyes that he was hurt while telling you to just be friends. Again do you ignore it and just move on or do you sulk over him or there's a last option do you question him about it because you're not willing to give up without a fight…I guess time will tell._

There he was sitting in his office with papers in front of him, papers he always shoved away when she was coming. Papers he never showed anyone apart from one person, papers he always kept hovering over with a worried and hurt expression while looking at them.

This time she didn't walk passed his office like she had done many times before, this time she kept looking at him from outside of his office and couldn't help but find it hard to walk away, she couldn't turn around she was stuck and she could either walk the two steps to his door and knock or she could turn around like she did everyday and just forget anything was going on, pretend things were not complicated, pretend for once she wasn't Marissa Cooper.

She didn't do it this time because she knew she had to face him sooner or later, so she took the two steps it took and knocked two times gently. 'Knock knock.' She said with a slightly awkward smile on her face as she opened the door and saw Ryan turn around in his chair. They locked eyes teal with indigo mixed together it would become a dark teal and it would fir perfectly.

'Marissa…' Ryan said forgetting the papers on the wall forgetting the fact that he was smiling broadly when he saw her nothing mattered right now except Marissa Cooper.

24 hours before

'Hey Coop!' Summer yelled when she saw Marissa walk down the corridors of Seattle Grace Hospital. Marissa turned around she was exhausted and still had a few hours to go, it wasn't that her body was exhausted her mind was at the point of full explosion and not because of the medical terms she had to go over with every patient step by step and had to know by hard right now, but because of her personal life which was to say the least a total chaos.

'Hey Sum.' Marissa said softly when Summer approached her. Summer looked at Marissa clearly worried and smiled compassionately at her while rubbing her back as they walked through the corridors together.

'Are you alright?' Summer asked. Marissa turned towards her and nodded her head forcefully. 'Okay just checking…' Summer said a little taken aback by Marissa's sudden head shake.

'Ugh I'm losing my mind…' Marissa said. 'I'm not okay I still haven't talked to him and I don't know what to do anymore…his voice keeps repeating itself in my head and I'm seriously going crazy Sum.' Marissa whined.

'I knew something was up…' Summer said while giving her yet another sympathetic smile, Summer's dark brown orbs gave Marissa a worried look yet also a very confident one when she turned Marissa around. 'Just go talk to him already!' Summer said while holding Marissa's shoulders in her little nevertheless very powerful hands.

'And say what exactly…' Marissa asked looking around to see if nobody was watching them.

'Just tell him the truth that you want to know what he means with 'Hang in there' I want to know what it means, seriously could he be more vague…if you don't do it for you then for the love of God do it for me! I can not stand this anymore it's like I'm watching the Notebook and I don't know what's happening!' Summer said.

'Aw I love the Notebook!' Marissa said while smiling for a minute she forgot that she had so much on her mind her eyes sparkled when she thought of that particular movie she used to watch with her mother when she had her good days and remembered things…it was ironic really Julie was having the same thing Allie had Alzheimer and even though a movie like that could make you depressed it made Marissa understand her mother more and have more patience. 'It's like the best movie in ever!' Marissa said excitedly.

'I know I love it too oh there was one line I loved so much!' Summer said while thinking hard of it as did Marissa.

'Summer romances end for all kinds of reasons. But when all is said and done, they have one thing in common: They are shooting stars-a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, a fleeting glimpse of eternity. And in a flash, they're gone.' They said in unison while laughing out loud when they were finished.

'What are we babbling about…go…go…go' Summer suddenly said while turning Marissa around and pushing her towards Seth's office. Marissa tried her best to find an excuse but Summer being Summer didn't want to hear it, when she was determined then she really was determined.

That's why she was here standing in his office with not one clue what to say to him and how to say it, she didn't know if he would listen if he would find her unprofessional if he would get mad. Closing her eyes in embarrassment she tried to think of something quick, not even noticing that Seth was staring at her with a sneer on his face.

'Yes…' he said waiting for her to open her eyes and tell him why she was in his office although he knew why she was here he enjoyed seeing her squirm.

'Hi…' she said while looking around the room frantically she needed to have an escape route the door behind her was the closest so she just had to do with that one if things turned out to be utterly confusing and scary. 'Hang in there what does that mean?' she asked better get straight to the point she thought to herself.

'Wow you're direct…I thought you would find an excuse and talk about the weather or something…guess I'm out of luck…' Seth said with a sly smirk on his face he facial expression turned into a serious one. 'Look he's been through a lot this last year…you just got to give him some time he deserves it believe me he does…' he said.

'Well what has he been through…' Marissa asked she had a right to know right.

'Well it's more complicated then you think…' Seth said he really wasn't the person to tell her this; Ryan would kill him if he told her this.

'Complicated how…is he gay, does he have a wife back in New York.' Marissa said in a mocking tone laughing slightly when she gave him all her scenarios. She looked at the shocked Seth and immediately didn't think her thoughts were funny anymore. 'Married…' she said and when Seth looked down it was the only answer she needed. 'Son of a b.itch!' she said while making her way to the door.

Seth suddenly moved in auto pilot and stopped her before she could get to Ryan and tell him everything she thought of him. 'Hey Marissa it's more then that okay…there's more going on.' Seth said and he motioned for Marissa to sit.

Explaining Ryan's life to her in detail for hours, why he had been taken in by his parents, why he had left to New York, why he was married, why he left New York, why he came to Seattle Grace and seem so happy, and most importantly why he wanted to be friends. It was a lot to take in and still she knew there was one thing she had to do.

Standing in front of his office she knocked on his door and said 'Knock knock' while doing so she came into his office and he looked at her. 'Marissa…'

Marissa's eyes drifted of to his desk, the desk with the papers the blue papers which needed three signatures, one of the husbands, one of the wife and one of the attorneys. The blue coloured divorce papers still all three places were left blank.

'So are you going to divorce her?' Marissa asked and suddenly Ryan looked at his desk she couldn't have known it were his divorce papers even if they were exposed…suddenly two vivid images were stuck in Ryan's mind, the Latina he'd been married to for years and the beautiful intern he had fallen hard for the minute he saw her.

_I choose the last one, I questioned him about it because I was not willing to give up without a fight, I had fallen fast and hard for him and that was something I had never felt before that in itself was worth fighting for, now it was up to him to answer my question and fight against me or with me._

**Okay I hope you guys like it!**


	8. Save my soul

**Okay here we go you'll get a glimpse of what's happened between Ryan and his wife. Thanks for the awesome reviews everyone lots and lots of love Noor! Sing I used is called Tears and Rain by James Blunt.**

**Chapter 8: Save my soul**

_What is better knowing or not knowing? Putting things of for the next day, but why would you do that if you could do it now. Because of fear, fear of rejection. Afraid of making a horrible mistake that you can't undo. Then again isn't it better when you just know, so you could move on and get on with your life have some certainty?_

'Wow direct…' said Ryan as he turned around in his chair so he was facing Marissa. She looked at him her eyes were filled with hope and fear. 'I don't know…' he said quietly barely unable to hear.

Marissa nodded her head and walked towards him while saying 'okay' with a definite quiver in her tone. She sat down opposite of him and looked at her hands which she was playing with, a habit she always picked up when she was nervous. 'But why…?' she asked this time with a little more confident and strength in her voice her head was still down.

'Because…she's is or was my family…because since I was 18 I shared everything with her…' Ryan said unsure of himself while he kept glancing at Marissa.

'But why did you lead me on…let me to believe that what we had was special…let me fall in love with you…' she asked this time looking him straight in the eye her vision became blurry when she looked at him due to the tears that were pooling in her eyes.

'I didn't…I didn't let you on intentionally…' he said this time he looked down he couldn't stand to see the pain in her eyes he couldn't stand to see how hurt she was and he really couldn't stand the idea that it was him who caused her this pain.

'Was it the chase…the sneaking around…the thrill did you like it enjoy it?' she asked her voice turned hostile just like that. Ryan immediately looked up again and shook his head no over and over again.

'No it's not that…it's not the thrill…it's because I fell for you too, for your singing when you were drunk…' Ryan said with a small smile on his face while he was trying to lighten the mood it worked for a little while because he made Marissa laugh a little and that was something he really wanted.

Ryan watched Marissa and he loved to watch her while she laughed a little her eyes lit up and had a sparkle in them which would make anyone melt. He did however see the tear that was escaping her eye and making its way down her beautiful flawless pinkish cheek. She looked strikingly beautiful, breath taking beautiful.

'Ryan…I need to know where you stand I need to know who you'll choose.' Marissa said while more tears came down her cheek and fell on her blue scrubs.

'Marissa you have to understand I've been married to her for 9 years…it's a lot…she's been with me for 9 years…' he said while eyeing the blue papers which were still lying on his desk.

'But she cheated on you and not just once…quite a few times…' Marissa said.

'I can't do this right now…I need to have some time to think…' he said.

'Well think…take all the time you need…' she said while getting up and walking towards his office door she took in another shaky breath while opening the door, she hesitated and turned around. 'But just know that's not good enough…' she said and walked away letting all the tears escape she had been holding.

**How I wish I could surrender my soul**

**Shed the clothes that become my skin**

**See the liar that burns within my needing**

**How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold**

**How I wish I had screamed out loud**

**Instead I've found no meaning**

Ryan let out yet another suppressed sigh and sat back against his chair. Placing his head in his hands and letting out a groan. He just needed some time some time to come to terms with everything some time to make a decision which he would not regret later on.

Marissa walked down the halls of the hospital while her cheeks were strained with tears. Nurses looked at her with a weird look but then resumed with their jobs. Seth stepped out of his office he was about to check on his patients when Marissa walked passed him and he shook his head sympathetically. Marissa started to run she couldn't be here right now he shift was over as it was and she just needed some peace and quiet. He definitely chose to fight against her.

Summer saw Marissa run towards the exit and she followed her calling her name while she did so. It was raining outside and freezing but Marissa did not stop she just run towards the exit her escape. Her peace and quiet the doors opened when she got closer and she walked out within a minute she was soaking wet.

**I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain**

**All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble**

**Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray**

**I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble**

**It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain **

Her tears mingled with the rain drops the only sign of her tears were her red eyes. Summer put her white coat over her head and walked towards Marissa. 'Coop…' she said while standing behind her and putting a comforting hand on her shoulder. 'Are you alright?' she asked while moving towards her front so she could see her.

'Yeah…' Marissa replied softly.

'Oh sweetie…' Summer said when she saw how distraught Marissa looked she took her in her arms and let her cry into her shoulder. Marissa did the sobs came out of her body whenever she thought about everything. He was married and she had already been planning to tell him she loved him…she thought he was the guy she was going to spent her life with. Marissa pulled away from Summer and they both walked back inside.

'My shift is over so I'm going home…' Marissa said while she was looking down. 'Okay…' said Summer while walking away. Marissa walked towards the locker room Ryan saw her walk in and followed her.

'What are you doing here?' Marissa asked as she saw him walk in he didn't say anything just closed the door behind him and leaned against one of the lockers while watching her get dressed she was angry he saw that by the way she put her shirt on and threw her scrubs in her locker with so much force. 'You know I don't want to know because you used me…' Marissa said while putting on her boots.

'I never used you I feel the same way for you…' Ryan said.

'No you don't…you used me to get back at your wife or I was your rebound…no matter how you slice it you used me.' She said. 'And you know what when Seth told me why you married her I couldn't believe it you married her because you thought she was pregnant then she miscarries and you stay with her even when you only married her for a baby that doesn't exists, she knew you married her for the baby…I know you were trying to be a better man it makes you…you…and still she cheats on you…several times…she treated you like trash and there's one thing I know, I would've never treated you that way because you deserve to be happy and I think if you gave me a shot you'd be happy.' Marissa said while she stood in front of him. Her rant against him had soon turned into a plead, a plead for him to love her just as much as she loved him.

'Ryan, choose me…let me sing for you when I'm drunk…love me as much as I love you…' she said while the tears silently cascaded along her cheeks.

'Marissa…I…' Ryan said while looking down he still needed some time.

'Oh…so you chose her…' Marissa said while walking towards the door, Ryan shook his head he hadn't chosen anyone yet. Ryan moved towards the door and stopped Marissa.

'I need you to understand.' Ryan said while holding her back by her shoulders.

'Consider it understood…now move!' she said while pushing into him with all of her force.

'No you're not going anywhere not like this.' Ryan said while pushing her back. 'Ryan move I mean it!' Marissa said while she pushed into him again and one hand was trying to get his hands off of her. 'God damn it!' Marissa yelled while Ryan held her wrists in his hands. She collapsed in front of him and cried.

Ryan held her and let her cry; she did cry her heart out. It was not only Ryan who was making her cry this heart it was her entire life which was just screwed up to the point of blowing up and this really was the last straw. Marissa's cries subsided and she wiped away her tears while inhaling deeply she released herself from Ryan's grip and he looked at her. 'Thanks' she said quietly.

'Goodbye Ryan…' she said while crying a little he nodded his head and saw her walk away.

Ryan got up and looked at the lockers he kicked some of them over and over again while swearing as he did so. The locker room opened and Summer came in she heard some loud banging and when she saw who was making that noise she closed the door again…'better give him some time' she thought while walking away.

**How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind**

**Hold memory close at hand**

**Help me understand the years**

**How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell**

**How I wish I would save my soul**

**I'm so cold from fear**

'Hey mom…' said Marissa as she looked at her red haired mother. Julie smiled at her softly. And patted the spot next to her Marissa walked towards her and sat down next to her. The nurse made eye contact with Marissa and winked at her while giving her a reassuring smile.

'Marissa sweetie how is it being an intern?' she asked while looking at her. Marissa blinked a couple of times and looked at her.

'Mom…mommy is that you…?' she asked while watching her nod her head. Marissa's tears sprung to life again and she held her mother tight. Julie was shocked at first but soon hugged her back kissing her temple affectionately as she did so. 'I love you mommy…' she said. 'I love you too princess…' she told her beautiful daughter who was probably having an emotional break down. 'It's going to be okay honey…you'll be okay…' Julie said and held her daughter close to her for as long as she could.

**I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain**

**All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble**

**Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray**

**I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble**

**Far, far away; find comfort in pain**

**All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble**

**It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain**

Marissa nodded and held her mother for her dear life times like these when she remembered her and loved her were very rare but when they did happen it made Marissa's entire day another day to stand up and go to bed. Every time hoping for yet another day she was going to tell her she loved her. Another day where she could sit and cry into her mother's comforting arms just like a little girl.

_In my case I had a right to be afraid. But now that I know I know…knowing is better then not knowing because at the end of the day you want some clarity you want to know what you need to do and where you stand. So at the end of the day after all of the questions you just get out there and wait for the fire works._

**Okay guys hoped you liked it let me know what you thought love Noor!**


	9. Coming up for air

**Hey guys thanks for the reviews once again it means a lot that you like my fic…I loved this! Anyways I'm hoping you will like this chapter it will be a two or three part chapter I'm not really sure…anyways see for yourself and let me know what you think. Love Noor**

**Chapter 9: **Coming up for air (part 1)

_Do you ever wake up with the feeling that you need to memorize everything and set everything straight with the ones you ever fought with. Apologize about every and anything of what you could've done wrong. A day that everything seems worth memorizing. Your sheets, your cushions even the way your PJ's fit._

Marissa sat up in her bed and looked around another bad dream, another one of him, another one where everything was going great between them and then he would just slip away; go towards something she couldn't go to. He was unreachable and she couldn't breathe whenever it happened so she sat up in her bed taking huge gasps of air.

_Like something major is going to happen and you don't know if it is actually going to happen, you don't know if your mind is just playing tricks with you or if it is actually making some sense, trying to prepare you for the worst._

'Holy mother of hell…' she said while her breathing returned to normal and her hands had the sheets wrapped around her hands a couple of times due to the intensity of her dream. Marissa looked out at the window and shook her head she tried to clear her mind.

_The feeling that the inevitable is coming…well that feeling I woke up with today._

'Marissa…are you coming?' asked Taylor as she walked into Marissa's bedroom and saw her sitting straight up in her bed. Taylor looked at her friend and she looked very scared, her head was all red but her lips were blue and her hands were a ghostly white. 'Marissa are you okay?' she asked as she moved towards the bed and sat on it.

'No I'm not okay…' Marissa said and lay back down her head was pounding and her heart beat was racing but that was just because of the nightmare she just had to relax a little bit.

'Look…Marissa I know we haven't really had a time to bond but I am your friend…and I'm here if you need me…' Taylor said as she looked at Marissa. 'I heard about you and Dr. Atwood-Cohen and I'm sorry…' she added.

Marissa nodded her head and sighed it seemed that everyone knew what was going on with her life except her. At one point she had been numb to everything she ignored him and pretended nothing was wrong when she saw him in the hallway, elevator, stairs she greeted him formally and walked of, but these last couple of days her anger had been craving, craving to give him a little piece of her mind. She loved him she told him she loved him and he didn't say that he loved her she asked him to choose her but he didn't choose her.

'Thanks…' Marissa said as she looked into her compassionate friend's eyes.

'Maris you really need to get changed we're going to be late for work, Dennis is already waiting and Summer is taking a shower.' Taylor said again.

'I don't feel well…I don't think I'm going to work…' Marissa said as she pulled the sheets over her slightly cold body and tried to sleep again.

'Coop you're not sick you're hurt…and that's normal but you can't hide from him or the issue…you just can't you have to deal with it and live in the now…and that sucks I know, but we're there.' Summer said while she was drying her wet hair.

'Who's presenting?' Seth asked as he walked into the room with one patient and four interns.

'Dr. Roberts.' Dr. Bailey said as she looked at one of her interns. Summer looked at the patient and nodded her head.

'Patient's name Travis Lorry age 42 has been complaining about chest pains, irregular heartbeats, dyspnea and dizziness.' Summer said as she looked at Dr. Seth Cohen who was standing in the room on the opposite side of her looking at the patients chart, and she couldn't be more attracted to him.

'Good job Dr. Roberts.' Seth said as he put down the chart of the patient who was lying helplessly on a hospital bed and who was trying to figure out what was wrong with him. 'Mr. Lorry...' Seth began but was soon cut of by the patient who told him in a really sweet but nervous voice just to call him 'Travis'. Seth smiled and nodded his head. 'Travis were going to conduct a test, which is called an EKG, it helps to see what exactly is going on.' Seth said again, Travis nodded his head and closed his eyes.

'My wife…she will be here soon…they said they called her, but…' Travis began this time Seth cut him off and put his hand on his shoulder. 'Travis don't worry if they said your wife would be here soon then your wife is going to be here soon.' he said nodding his head towards Summer who followed him outside.

Ryan walked through the halls where he saw his brother roll out a man in his late thirties begin forties, Dr. Roberts was walking next to him and looked back at the woman who was holding his hand and saying something that made him happy it was probably his wife. His wife who was standing next to him while he was sick, his wife who was there just like she promised she would when she took those vows, 'in sickness and in health', she was true to her word.

Ryan shook himself out of his daydream and saw Marissa at the end of the hallway he saw her standing there staring at him she was looking lost in thought until she snapped out of it and her eyes turned ice cold and filled with hurt they locked eyes and just when she could feel that feeling again the feeling she always got when she looked into his beautiful clear blue eyes the feeling like she was drowning, she walked away as fast as she could she started to walk away.

'Marissa…wait!' Ryan said as she followed her once again, chasing after her through the hallways.

'I have been waiting for you to choose for you to make up your mind…' she said while she looked at him. 'I love you…and you chose her…you don't have the right to ask me to wait…and you don't get to chase after me, I'm not just running towards something…I'm running away from you…because I can't be around you, I can't be around someone I love and who doesn't love me back, I can't be around someone who I was already picturing my future with…you broke me and I need to fix me again but I can't do with you chasing after me…so no I will not wait!' she added with a cold stare and walked away from him to the silent hall where she could think.

Ryan shook his head and leaned back against the wall he let out a sigh, things were really not going in his favour these previous days and he could only blame himself for it. 'Damn it' he said while bringing a hand to his tired face. He was tired of this, too tired of it but she was right, he had let her on they had been falling in love and he had let her believe he was in love with her too, which he still was, he just couldn't…just couldn't.

He watched her back one more time before regaining his composure and walking away, as Theresa once said it was what he did best. He walked through the halls and saw one of the other interns he believed her name was Dr. Townsend he walked towards her and tapped her on her shoulder she turned around and almost choked on her drink, Dr. Atwood-Cohen just tabbed her on her shoulder the most famous neurosurgeon there was and he tapped her on her shoulder. For a brief second she forgot he had been sleeping with one of her friends, and then he had crushed her but still he was her boss, her boss's boss.

'Sir?' she asked as she looked at him and he smiled he had his scrubs on meaning he was going to perform a surgery.

'Care to scrub in on an Aneurysm surgery Dr. Townsend?' he asked as he already started to walk to his OR. Taylor blinked a couple of times before shaking her head.

'Seriously?' she asked while still blinking repeatedly.

'Seriously, now come on before I change my mind I need to get my mind of off things and the best way to do that is to safe someone's life.' he walked away but Taylor never followed him he turned around and saw she was still in shock, he would have been too if someone like Dr. Purdy would've asked him to scrub in on one of his surgeries personally. 'Now come on Townsend I don't have all day!' he yelled at her.

Taylor got out of her trance and jumped up she laughed and the nurses looked up, she stuck her tongue out at them and walked away while mumbling 'jealous nurses'.

'Mr. Lorry the EKG showed us what is called an enlarged heart demand rapid follow-through' Summer began. 'It a type of a cardiomyopathy…' she added. Travis Lorry and his wife Catherine Lorry looked at her as if she was speaking Chinese.

'Travis what it means is that the left ventricle of the heart's main pumping chamber loses force and becomes stretched and enlarged the muscle becomes thicker in the left ventricle, which has more power, but it now can't pump the blood out as efficiently as before and the heart may stiffen in addition to undergoing outflow obstruction…which is why you have been having those chest pains…it's what we call a flabby heart.' Seth finished while holding his shoulder he still felt he wasn't good at this part of his job, even though he didn't make any sarcastic or ironic comments it was still very mind blowing to tell a person all these medical stuff.

'What does that mean exactly…I mean is it…fixable…?' Travis's wife spoke up for the first time since they had come into the room after they had rolled him away.

'Yes it is…I want to give you a pacemaker for many patients it's a lifesaver that can improve heart function.' he said.

'But there's a catch…right there's always a catch.' Catherine said as she held her husband's hand and let the tears roll down her tired and worried face.

'Yes there are risks but every surgery has risks, right now this is the best shot you got both of you.' Seth said. Travis looked at his wife and she looked at him they had a look of understanding they always did that with just a matter of a look. He looked at Summer and then at Seth and gave him a nod with a small smile. Seth nodded back and winked at them and then walked out of his room Summer followed.

It was late and both Summer and Seth were tired they had just preformed the surgery on Mr. Lorry which had been successful, but it didn't mean they weren't tired. Catherine was happy to hear everything had been okay.

'Dr. Cohen that was amazing I never saw a pacemaker so close to a heart…it was amazing!' Summer said as she was sitting in the small office with Seth he nodded his head while smiling.

'Yeah it always is…' they looked at each other and soon looked down both embarrassed.

'Well thanks for letting me scrub in Dr. Cohen.' She said while getting up and walking towards the door, but Seth stopped her with his hand and turned her around quickly, Summer didn't even had time to comprehend what was happening, she just felt his lips meet hers in a soft sweet kiss. His cologne was soft and sweet just like his kiss, but it faded away quickly when he retreated his lips away from hers.

Seth gave her a small smile and his thumb touched her cheek, he stepped back a little and Summer let her feet stand flat on the ground again. 'Your welcome.' He said and walked away, smiling to himself as he did.

'Sir I'm an intern I don't know how to do this I'm a student!' she screamed hysterically at the out of control man.

'You said you were a doctor!' he yelled back while walking closer to her and confronting her with the gun he had been holding the entire time.

'I am…I'm just a doctor in practice…I can't…' she said again while the tears escaped her eyes.

'Listen Dr. Cooper…you have to help my buddy the cops shot him and if you don't help him I'll shoot you…now HELP HIM!' he screamed while pushing the gun against her temple.

'Okay…okay…!' she yelled back while the tears kept streaming.

'What the hell!?!' the chief as he saw everything displayed in front of him because of the security cameras. 'What is he doing?' he asked one of his security guards they shook their heads. 'She is one of my interns…and she is now a hostage, call the police right now!'

Summer sat in the office still completely mesmerized by the kiss she just had her pager beeped frantically and she was shaken out of her thought looking at it she thought she was going to see 911 but what she confused her 'Code Green' it said what did that mean.

Seth was checking on Mr. Lorry to see if her was doing okay and if his body was not having any other negative side affects it didn't, so he too had done his job good today again, he smiled and shook his head it was again a very enthralling day he had kissed an intern one thing he never would've done a few years back, not because he was an attending and she was an intern but because it was so mind blowing and she was so breath taken beautiful he never would have thought he actually stepped the nudge up, but he did he kissed her. He looked at his pager which was beeping frantically along with some other pages which he heard in the distance and when he looked at the message it said 'Code Green' he had to breathe again, he saw other doctors run to the hallway so he did too he followed them.

'Dr. Townsend, could you get that?' Ryan said as his pager began to beep, Taylor nodded her head and walked away from the operating table and towards the little table with all the pagers, one was beeping it was Dr. Atwood-Cohen's one.

'And?' Ryan asked as he turned to her a little.

'Uhm they asked if you were almost done and when you are if you could come to the hall to see the chief.' She said while trying to think of something else they could have possibly said.

'Nothing more?' Ryan asked he knew no one disturbed each other during a surgery if it wasn't something critical or serious.

'No…but your pager said 'Code Green'…what does that mean.' She asked and looked around at the other doctors and scrub nurses who all looked at each other. 'Dr. Atwood-Cohen what does it mean?' she asked again.

'I'm almost done here…' he said while continuing to sew his patient up, Taylor looked at every other human being in the OR room, she didn't know what it was she was only an intern, and was it bad.

'Oh, God…I…I need a scalpel!' Marissa said while she put on her gloves, she grabbed the gloves and put the scalpel's sharpest side to the bleeding man's chest.

'Did you lock the doors!' the big man yelled who was still holding the gun against her temple, Marissa took the scalpel away again quickly.

'Yes I did!' she yelled back.

'If he dies…you're gonna wish you never woke up today' the man said in a dangerous scary low voice.

Marissa again put the scalpel to his chest just merely centimetres next to the bullet, she drew in a huge gasp of air, she tried to breath come up for air but the harder she tried the harder it got. 'Oh god…' she said while she cut into the man's chest with a gun pushed into the side of her head.

_Sometimes you got to listen to that feeling to that little voice in your head that tries to tell you all kinds of things but you simply block it out because you think it's just your mind playing tricks on you. You notice when it isn't when it's already to late when there's no turning back, when there's no oxygen left for you to breathe, when there is just simply no air._

**Okay I hope you liked what I did with this chapter just let me know what you think! Love Noor!**


	10. Reaching out into the dark

**Hey guys thanks for the reviews, I hope the suspense was good, and I'm hoping you will like this chapter. Anyways enjoy and let me know what you think. Love Noor! The song I used is called 'How to save a life' by The Fray…really listen to it when you're reading the parts where it is used…it brings the intensity of the chapter better! So 'How to save a life' by The Fray!**

**Chapter 10: Reaching out into the dark (part 2)**

_What would you do, if you knew the inevitable was going to happen and you would be the one in the middle of all of it? What would you do, when you know there's a possibility you might die. Would you want to eat and shop till you drop…literally?_

'If he dies…you're gonna wish you never woke up today' the man said in a dangerous scary low voice.

_Would you want to spend it in bed, watching reruns of Sex and the City, or Friends?_

Marissa again put the scalpel to his chest just merely centimetres next to the bullet, she drew in a huge gasp of air, she tried to breath come up for air but the harder she tried the harder it got. 'Oh god…' she said while she cut into the man's chest with a gun pushed into the side of her head.

_Or would you be me and keep wishing for someone to safe you, keep wishing and hoping to see those damn bright blue eyes who were suddenly so vividly seen in your head, and only became more brighter and bluer when you tried to think them away. Would you be me and wish for Ryan Atwood Cohen to tell you he choose you?_

'Karl…what the hell is going on, is it really a code green?' Ryan asked as he walked into the small hallway where the chief was talking to some police officers, who were trying to tell him what to do. Karl turned around and looked at Ryan he nodded his head, and shook it.

'Well who is it, one of the nurses or patients...?' he asked again as he saw his brother run towards them with a slightly scared and overwhelmed Summer behind him. Karl looked at Ryan and shook his head no.

'It's one of the surgical interns…Marissa Cooper…' Karl informed his best surgeons, not realising that another intern was by their side, but knowing that it would come out eventually.

Ryan felt as if his breath was knocked out of him, he looked at Seth for conformation, to see if his mind was not playing any tricks with him and when Seth squeezed his shoulder lightly he knew, he knew it was Marissa, who was the one that was in life danger.

Seth soon moved over to Summer who had leaned against the wall and when he stood in front of her she felt her knees go weak, so she slid along the wall and landed on the floor, she didn't breath and didn't speak, she made no sound at all. Which scared Seth the most he was soon crouched down on his knees looking at her and trying to see some emotion in her face.

His hand moved to her waist, while he looked into her chocolate brown eyes who were now watery. 'You need to breathe…' he told her he could see her start to breathe and while she did so her hand moved over to his arm and she held it tightly. 'I can't…she's…she's my best friend…she's my best friend…' Summer repeated and Seth nodded his head, while his hand moved to her head and he put his fore head against hers. 'I know…' he told her.

'Uhm…I need…some…some…' Marissa struggled with her words as both hands were in the man's chest she tried to stop his bleeding, but she knew he was losing to much blood, the monitor which she had put him on was also telling her the same she already knew his blood pressure was dropping. 'I need something to stop this bleeding…' she said nervously. Right now she was waiting for the police to come…but she didn't even know people knew she was here under a shot of a gun. Was she invisible, did no one notice she was here in life danger, and if they did why hadn't they done anything yet to help her?

'Well what the hell are you waiting for sweet cakes!' the angry tucker man asked Marissa as he moved to her side his sweaty hands were still holding the gun and pointing them towards her, he knew things got way to messy, they should have never tried to rob a bank, but the needed the money…they had families to take care of.

'I don't know the source of the bleeding…I can't find it…I need someone who is a real surgeon…!' Marissa said. 'I need some help…' she said as she too again became very nervous when she saw the gun that was pointed towards her, she took in a deep breath and held her hands where they were, how was it possible that she was here right now? She shook her head and saw the lights go on in the gallery while three people came through the doors. Seth, Summer and Ryan were looking down on her from the gallery.

'Oh my god…' Summer said as she saw Marissa's tear stained face and her shaking body, her bloody scrubs and her hands inside the chest of the man.

'What are they doing there!' the man yelled at Marissa who shrugged her shoulders indicating she didn't know either.

Seth walked over to the intercom and pushed on the button so that Marissa and the man in the OR were able to hear him. 'Sir…that's one of our interns in there…she's a student and right now she needs some help I could come down there and help here…I am a cardio specialist.' Seth said hoping that the man would fall for it.

He laughed wickedly, did they really think he was that stupid. 'Where's the intercom?' he asked Marissa who nodded her head in the direction of the intercom which was closely by the door, but he could still watch the people in the gallery. 'You stay right where you are…you hear me? If you even dear to come here, this pretty girl won't see much of the day and by much I mean anything.' John said as he looked at Marissa, to see if she didn't try anything stupid.

Seth sighed and again pushed the button so he was heard in the OR. 'Okay…but…uhm I am going to stay here to give her instructions…she has never done this before…' Seth told John who nodded his head, and pushed the button of the intercom on the holder so he didn't have to go over there the entire time, besides he needed to keep an eye on Marissa, Seth did the same as him and sat back down on one of the chairs.

Summer wasn't sitting and neither was Ryan, Ryan was standing in the corner of the gallery he didn't say anything and didn't dear to move. He didn't even take his eye of her or the man with the gun, afraid that if he did something would happen. He kept looking at her silently watching her and him, making sure nothing was about to go wrong.

Summer was almost into the glass, she needed to be close to Marissa, as close as possible, and this was the only way that was possible. She kept watching her thin body shake, her lips chatter against one another, her intakes of deep breathes as she tried to calm herself down, everything Summer saw in so much detail she couldn't not see it; she had to see everything of Marissa, every single thing just in case she was never going to see it again. It wasn't the kind of memories you want to have when you're in love, but just the memories you need to have to force yourself to stay optimistic. She was still standing there right nothing was really going on she wouldn't be shot in one minute time, and her entire life wouldn't change, she was getting out of this alive right?

'Dr. Cohen I can't find the source of this bleeding…he keeps bleeding out…' said Marissa as she took some gauze to suck up some of the blood so she could see some more.

'That's probably where the bullet went through…was it a through and through…?' he asked Marissa.

'No there's no exit of the wound…' Marissa said as she walked.

'And what about his blood pressure…?' Seth asked trying to know as much as he could so he could help her.

**Step one, you say, "We need to talk."**

**He walks, you say, "Sit down, it's just a talk."**

**He smiles politely back at you;**

**You stare politely right on through,**

**Some sort of window to your right**

**As he goes left and you stay right**

**Between the lines of fear and blame,**

**You begin to wonder why you came.**

'It is hypotension…it's down to 70…' Marissa said, she knew the signs here, this man had no chance of surviving. His heart beat was also starting to slow down, he probably had blood crops, and then there was also the fact that she could not stop the blood from flowing. 'Damn it! What do I need to do…what do I need to do!?!' Marissa asked scared and frantically.

'Marissa you need to stay calm…' Seth told her and looked at his brother who hadn't said one thing to help him, he just stood there looking at her like some ghost he stood there.

**Where did I go wrong?**

**I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness**

**And I would have stayed up with you all night**

**Had I known how to save a life?**

'No calm is an impossibility, you need to help me…' Marissa said as John looked at her shaking body he didn't know what was going on that was his best buddy, the person he could count on…was that intern saying he was dying…and if so why didn't she do anything.

**Let him know that you know best,**

**'Cause after all, you do know best.**

**Try to slip past his defence**

**Without granting innocence**

**Lay down a list of what is wrong,**

**Things you told him all along**

**Pray to God he hears you,**

**And pray to God he hears you.**

Both John and Marissa heard the heart monitor started beating frantically…Marissa's brain was about to explode when thinking of what was about to happen. 'Damn it he's in V-fib. I need the paddles…' Marissa said she took her hands away from the patients chest and ran over to the heart paddles. She charged them herself and put them in her patient's chest hoping to make his heart beat constant again…nothing came though, the frantic beeping of the heart monitor didn't stop.

Marissa looked up desperately at Summer, Seth and Ry…where the hell was Ryan? She saw Summer cry and heard John tell Marissa over the intercom to save him. He told her she had to save him…if she wanted to live. Marissa blocked him out though and had only eyes, for Summer who was crying uncontrollably. She saw Seth move towards her and hug her, the way Summer responded to his touch, made Marissa wonder. What had those two done?

'Dr. Atwood Cohen…where the hell do you think you're going?' a police officer asked Ryan as he saw him run towards the OR room where the intern and the escapee were. Ryan didn't answer or even stopped though he kept running towards the scrub room. The police officer immediately said something in his radio but didn't follow Ryan.

The beep had picked up in a monotonous constant form, a flat line was shown on the heart monitor, Marissa let the tears escape her eyes and she took her hands away from the now death body. 'No you can't stop…you got to do something…you got to save him!' John said while pointing the gun at her head, he had his own tears too; he didn't even know how he could be here, in this place threatening a poor young girl with the death.

**And where did I go wrong?**

**I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness**

**And I would have stayed up with you all night,**

**Had I known how to save a life.**

'Sir…I can't…he's gone…there's nothing I can do…' Marissa said as she faced the man who had been threatening to kill her if she let his friend die, and now his friend was dead did that mean that in a matter of seconds she was going to join him.

Ryan was at the door of the OR, he tried to open it but it was locked he pushed against it with his entire body trying to open it, it didn't work again he pushed against it. He saw the men walk towards Marissa while she started to walk to the back probably not even knowing she was walking towards the door.

'You got to do something! You can't stop…he has to live!' John yelled at Marissa who just cried and shook her head. 'He is dead…' she said just above a whisper. John shook his head vigorously. 'No…no…Henry…no…' John said while sobs escaped his lips.

**As he begins to raise his voice,**

**You lower yours and grant him one last choice.**

**Drive until you lose the road**

**Or break with the ones you've followed**

**He will do one of two things:**

**He will admit to everything**

**Or he'll say he's just not the same,**

**And you'll begin to wonder why you came.**

Ryan was still trying to open the door while he was knocking on it too, trying to get Marissa's attention. 'Marissa!!!' he yelled waiting for her to look at him, he saw the man scream out of control making it hard for him to be heard.

**Where did I go wrong?**

**I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness**

**And I would have stayed up with you all night**

**Had I known how to save a life?**

'You know what that means…' John yelled at her while Marissa cried and shook her head again forcefully. 'No…' she said with a lot of force. 'Please just calm down…' she said through her tears and sobs hoping he would calm down. He didn't do and said some kind of prayer while taking the gun of its safety, Marissa could hear the trigger and saw that the door of the OR room was being pushed open vehemently. Ryan came running towards her and she could hear John say 'I'm sorry!' at the same time Ryan pinned her down his body covering hers that's when she heard the gunshot.

**Where did I go wrong?**

**I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness**

**And I would have stayed up with you all night,**

**Had I known how to save a life?**

**How to save a life**

**How to save a life**

**That was it I'm really truly hoping you liked it! I can't wait to read your comments! Please let me know what you think! Love Noor**


	11. Just breathe

**Hey guys…I owe you all one hell of an apology I know I haven't updated in ages…and when I say ages I literally mean ages…but here is an update and I guess we should focus on that. I'm very sorry for the long wait I just hope it was worth it! Love Noor! I can't promise a new update very soon…seeing as I'll be very busy with school stuff and right now that's my first concern! Thanks all so much for the people who've been trying to keep me on my toes! I promise this is not the last you've seen of me! Love Noor! Song I used is called **_**Breathe by Anna Nalick!**_

Chapter 11: Just breathe

_Life..life is messy it's confusing and weird all in one. A life can be given nevertheless it can also be taken away, at any time, any moment and by anyone. Life is unexpected. You don't know when you'll live neither do you know when you'll stop living. Life is therefore one of the most scary yet loveable things in the world. _

'Oh my god…oh my god oh my god…' said a scary Marissa as she kept her eyes shut and felt the tears escape her green orbs. She could feel his heavy body on her and she didn't know what was going on. Everything was silent in her ears, she could hear faint screams but she didn't know who was screaming, all she could do was concentrate on the noises inside the OR, and when she didn't hear any her heart sank.

**2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,**

**"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,**

**I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"**

**Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes**

**Like they have any right at all to criticize,**

**Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason**

'Marissa…' she could hear, but how she didn't know and who said it was a mystery as well. She heard it again, the voice belonged to a man…but not just a man, the man that she was in love with.

'Ryan…' she asked her voice was shaky and her lips were trembling, she heard him reply and tears of happiness escaped her already swollen red eyes. 'Oh god Ryan…' she repeated a couple of times, while crying her heart out. 'Are you okay?' she asked in the same shaky voice.

'Yeah…' he said while holding her tighter. 'And you?' he asked the question back. She replied with the same yeah he had and before either knew what he was doing, Ryan was starting to sit up, while his eyes scanned through the OR room he came face to face with a horrific scene one he hoped to never see again. His breath was caught in his throat and it felt as if he was choking…two dead bodies in the OR room. One on the OR table and one was sat against the wall with a whole through his head. Marissa opened her eyes as well and she too was terrified. She screamed on the top of her lungs and held on to Ryan while keeping her eyes on the man she knew as John, the angry trucker man.

**'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable**

**And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table**

**No one can find the rewind button, girl.**

**So cradle your head in your hands**

**And breathe... just breathe,**

**Oh breathe, just breathe**

'Oh my gosh!' she screamed while trying to catch her breath. Ryan put his hands before her eyes and held her close to his chest, he kept trying to calm her down, while he himself was upset. The door of the OR opened with a loud thud, and people came storming in, people as in the police. Ryan saw them rush through the OR room making it clear, even checking John's pulse and finding none. They cleared the OR room and before Ryan or Marissa knew what was happening one policeman took Marissa out of Ryan's arms to take her outside.

**May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss**

**"Just a day" he said down to the flask in his fist,**

**"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."**

**Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,**

**But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,**

**Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.**

Ryan got up and walked towards the OR door, he glanced back once and shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts unfortunately for him it didn't work. His legs felt heavy with every step he took, he had never experienced something as scary as this before. He turned around the corner, only to be met by his anxious brother who was practically running the two feet towards him. Seth sighed a sigh of relief and put his hands on either side of his brother's shoulder. Their eyes met, and both were of relief.

Ryan saw that a crying Summer was hugging a shocked and silent Marissa, Taylor came running towards them as well and hugged Marissa and Summer too, then soon enough their geeky friend came towards them also and he did the same as Taylor. Ryan and Marissa's eyes met and he nodded at her and smiled sadly at her, know one was ever going to know or even understand how Ryan and Marissa felt. This was something only they shared.

**Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,**

**And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.**

**No one can find the rewind button, boys,**

**So cradle your head in your hands,**

**And breathe... just breathe,**

**Oh breathe, just breathe**

Marissa didn't smile back nor did she nod, she just walked away the minute she was released by her friends. She went to the locker rooms and changed her scrubs for her normal gear, closed her locker put her hair in a pony tail and walked out of the room. She was met by a police officer who told her that they wanted to question her; Marissa asked him in return if it could wait until in the morning, the policeman nodded and told her to come to the police station around 10 am, and to bring the other doctor.

'Marissa…' she could hear him say, Marissa closed her eyes briefly and cursed the policeman for keeping her up. She turned around and came face to face with a dressed Ryan. 'Hey…' she said and gave him a small smile.

'Are you okay?' he asked her and she nodded. 'That was scary…' he added. 'Yeah I know' Marissa said in return, no real emotion could be heard in her voice. 'Well I'll see you tomorrow…' Ryan said while walking towards the other direction. Marissa nodded and started to walk towards the car park. But suddenly stopped and turned back around.

'I felt safe…' she said, causing Ryan to turn back around and ask her 'what'. 'In the OR room, when you came in and jumped me all I could feel was safe…' she said a little louder than she had planned.

'That's…that's good.' he said and Marissa nodded yet again. 'Well I'll see you tomorrow…' she said and was stopped by Ryan's voice. 'You know if you ever want to talk about…I'm here.' He said and walked away; leaving Marissa with a timid smile on her face she nodded her self.

'That means a lot…' she said to none other then herself. Walking towards her car she couldn't help but picture John…she hadn't seen him as a harmful man…at first of course she did, but then again who wouldn't see the man with a gun in his hand threatening to kill you as harmful. But the more time she spent with him, she saw he was just very desperate and really didn't know what to do…and now he was dead…because he didn't see any other way out.

**There's a light at each end of this tunnel,**

**You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out**

**And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again**

**If you only try turning around.**

'Hey Summer wait!' Seth called out to a rushing Summer who just wanted to go home and talk to her best friend about everything. Seth was running towards her and calling her name, but Summer didn't turn around nor did she respond to his desperate calls, the only thing on her mind was Marissa. She was however forced to a sudden halt when Seth's hand reached her shoulder and stopped her from walking.

'What is it Seth?' she asked in a not so friendly manner…she just couldn't deal with everything right now, she had to do everything one step at a time and step one was making sure Marissa was safe and sound.

'Uh I just wanted to make sure you were alright…today wasn't easy especially not on Marissa and Ryan, but it wasn't easy for us either…' Seth tried to reason with Summer, Summer let out a little bitter laugh…the last thing she was worried about was herself, Marissa risked her life for a patient, and then Ryan risked his life for her, how was this hard on Summer, she just stood there and didn't do anything. She cried her eyes out, but did she come up with a reasonable plan…no she didn't, so why was this entire event hard on her, when she didn't as so much lifted a finger.

'Yeah…well I'm fine…thanks…I was just on my way home so if you'll excuse me.' Summer said not once making eye contact with Seth, she knew he was on his way home too, or more likely to his brother. She turned around and walked away leaving a stunned Seth behind. Didn't they kiss, and weren't they there for each other while Ryan and Marissa were in actual mortal danger. Why was she being so cold and distant all of a sudden? Seth shook his head and decided to put that thought to the back of his mind, now he had to make sure his brother was okay.

Ryan was sitting on his sofa, the TV was on and BBC news was playing, he didn't listen to anything didn't even see the pictures on the screen of the hospital he worked at which were flashing by, the only reason the TV was on was because it was lulling his thoughts, it kept him from thinking too much. The events of today weren't even going through his mind a million times, there was one particular thing which was going on through his mind, the same thing which had been going through his mind when everything happened…she. She was in his mind, and he didn't know why…he probably knew why he was just not ready to admit it.

But he could not deny the fact any longer that he wanted to hear her voice and talk to her, talk things through once and for all, he had finally made his decision and he would tell her. Ryan got up from the couch and walked towards his phone; he dialled the number and listened to the dial tone.

'Hello…' came a reply, Ryan's breathing stopped for merely a second.

'Hey Theresa it's me Ryan…' he said and he could hear her gasp for air, he could hear the sniffles, and could only imagine how she would look like, how the tears would stream down her face just like they did when he walked in on her with another man.

**2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song**

**If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,**

**Threatening the life it belongs to**

**And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd**

**Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud**

**And I know that you'll use them, however you want to**

'Marissa…' Summer called softly while her hand knocked on the door, she didn't hear a reply, but that didn't make her go away, slowly she opened the door and saw Marissa lying on her side. She didn't look over her shoulder to see Summer, she knew she was there already. Summer walked to the side of the bed and her and Marissa looked each other in the eye. Summer could see the tears which had been forming in her eyes and lay down on the bed, holding Marissa tight while she could feel her cry and sob heavily. She kissed her head and tried to soothe her as well as she could. She maybe wasn't there for her before but now she was, and that was all that mattered.

**But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,**

**And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table**

**No one can find the rewind button now**

**Sing it if you understand.**

**and breathe, just breathe**

**woah breathe, just breathe,**

**Oh breathe, just breathe,**

**Oh breathe, just breathe.**

_Unexpected and confusing or not, life is what makes us who we are. It's what makes us live, and once you get through the hard times there will be good times to, we are not the once who decides whether or not we should live or not, who can and can't live. We just need to live, because in the end you would want to look back and say 'I've lived my life to the fullest.'_

**Well guys I hope you liked this update! Tomorrow and the day after I'll be gone but once I'm back I'll try to update soon. Read and Review guys! Love Noor!**


	12. Love will come through

**I know it's been unbelievably long since I posted an update and I'm sorry, very very sorry yet I know that's not going to cut it but I still have a new chapter for you and I'm hoping you will still review, and I want to thank any and everyone who is still reading this story!**

**Okay seeing as I haven't updated in only God knows how long I think some of you might need a recap. Okay so this is what happened:**

_**Marissa and Ryan are in limbo, Ryan is trying to figure out what to do with his life, does he want to hang onto the past or does he want a future? Marissa is in the whole post-psycho code green ordeal and she's dealing with Ryan and her feelings for him. Summer and Seth are not on speaking terms, Summer likes him but Seth makes it clear that there is nothing there. Or is there? Read and find out! **_

**Love Noor! Also I want to thank Kyle very much for his idea which made this chapter!**

Chapter 12: Love will come through

_When did everything get so complicated? Why was love so damn hard and why couldn't you let your sweaters touch your shirts? The answer it was simple; there was no answer to all these questions. Why did we still ask ourselves questions there were no answers to was the biggest one of all?_

The bell rang throughout the entire house, Summer listened to it intently and got up from the couch she walked passed the kitchen where Taylor was singing a song and baking cookies, or something that looked like that, she soon found Taylor standing behind her as she was about to open the door, the boil in her hand as she was mixing the dough.

Summer opened the door slowly and saw Ryan Cohen standing in front of her with a tired smile on his face, Ryan Cohen, as in Dr. Cohen head of neurology, as in her boss, and the brother of her possible crush. Summer smiled politely at him and waited for him to speak.

'Hi' he said and she greeted him back opening the door a little more for him to come in, while she opened the door for the gorgeous man she bumped into Taylor in the process, Summer turned her head at her somewhat annoyed and was even more aggravated when she saw Taylor drooling over Ryan and looking star struck, like she had just met Brad Pitt or Al Pacino, she shook her head at her and knew she was going to have to do the talking.

'Can I help you?' Summer asked as politely as she could she didn't want to scare him away but she also didn't want him to upset Marissa even more. She didn't exactly know what the deal was between Ryan and Marissa but ever since the whole hostage situation things had been weird. Ryan shifted his gaze nervously to the stairs he didn't know if Marissa was home yet somehow he hoped she wasn't.

'Uhm is Marissa home?' he still asked and before Summer could answer Taylor butt in, she took a step in front of Summer and blocked her out while doing so, she smiled at Ryan rather seductively, Ryan looked at the light headed brunette who was beaming up at him.

'Actually Marissa is a sleep in her room but you could always wait for her until she wakes up, I was just cooking some dinner if you want some there's enough for you, you could stay and eat something, Dr…I mean Ryan.' Taylor said shrugging her shoulders sweetly as if she was a teenage schoolgirl.

Ryan looked at her uneasily, she seemed to like him very much and he was not the only one who noticed because when he looked at Summer she was about to snap, and he was sure she was fuming, he ignored Taylor's request but thanked her for the offer, Ryan averted his eyes from Taylor's to Summer's a clear indication that he wanted to talk to her.

'Hey Summer can you give this to Marissa.' Ryan asked as he handed her a big brown envelope, Summer took it in her hands a little confused but still didn't say a word, Ryan thanked her and smiled appreciatively at the petit brunette, he didn't even really know her but still she seemed nice and her and Marissa seemed to be the only ones who really got along, from all the interns.

Ryan turned away from the two dazed women both were dazed for different reasons, he closed the door behind him and got into his range rover he looked at the house and saw Summer make her way up the stairs, he smiled knowingly, this was the moment she would know, and he didn't know how she was going to take it. Ryan shook his head as if he was trying to rid himself of his nervousness, he started the engine and drove of.

As Summer made her way up the stairs without saying anything to Taylor she felt her heart beat faster, what if this envelope contained some very bad news about Ryan and Marissa, something that would push Marissa of the edge certainly.

'Hey Coop?' Summer asked as she opened the door to her bestfriend's room, Marissa looked up from where she was lying and gave Summer a small sad smile which made Summer walk up to her as fast as her little legs could carry her, she sat down next to Marissa and held her in her arms.

That's when they started to come down again the tears she had so desperately pushed away finally came pouring out, she cried and cried and Summer comforted her forgetting why she had come to her room in the first place, after some time of shushing Marissa and comforting her she lay down next to her and they stared up at the ceiling in silence.

'God I'm being such a girl…' Marissa said finally after what seemed like a silence that lasted forever, Summer chuckled upon hearing Marissa and heard a sweet laugh escape Marissa's mouth a laugh she had been praying for.

'I didn't even know him that long, how can I be so head over heels in love?' she asked Summer who grew quiet, the truth was the feisty brunette didn't know the answer to that question because if she did she would have prevented ever feeling this way about the curly brunette with his sarcastic comments and lame jokes which were actually quite funny, if she had known she'd never gotten too close to him.

'I honestly don't know Coop.' Summer told her bestfriend, who she had gotten attached to as well in a small period of time, it was just that Summer never had bestfriends at school, she had always been the queen bee, always the social one, popular one with what people assumed lots of friends but they were never her _friends. _They were all friends with benefits, the girls were friends because then they could get popular too and go shopping with her whenever they wanted and the boys were friends with her because they could get into her pants.

Summer never really had friends and Marissa made up for all the lack there, she was the best friend you could imagine to have, yes she had her drama and her crap, but didn't we all, she listened to Summer whenever she wanted to ramble and laughed at her jokes even though they weren't always funny, they sang along to Stacie Orico together and most important of all they could lean on each other.

There friendship had gotten so serious and strong in such a short amount of time it was scary really, how could you befriend someone who was as different from you as the day was from the night, but they were friends and they were there for one another and what Summer didn't know yet was that not only could she read Marissa like an open book, but Marissa could do the exact same thing to her.

'So how goes things with you and McFunny?' Marissa asked, she knew Summer had a thing for Seth and it had been funny to see her try to hide it although she had been doing a very poor job at it, it had been fun to see it from afar but now after seeing her she knew she had to ask Summer about it, that's what bestfriends do right.

'McFunny, I really don't know what you're talking about…' Summer tried to dismiss Marissa's question which in turn only got her a raised eyebrow from the stunning blonde who smirked at her.

'Ugh God when did we get so hung up on guys and let them rule our lives.' The brunette asked when she realised that there was no use in denying anything.

'I think it was the minute our braces came off.' Marissa said and shook her head while laughing along with her friend, suddenly all the drama and the heart ache was forgotten they were just enjoying themselves, talking to one another feeling carefree and it was fun, until Summer realised why she had been here in the first place and she knew she couldn't hold out on Marissa any longer.

'Ryan came by earlier and uhm…' Summer began as she reached across the bed to grab the big brown envelope again she handed it over to Marissa who looked beyond puzzled right now '…he wanted me to give this to you.' she added and waited for Marissa to rip it open.

She looked at it and breathed in deeply there was nothing more Marissa wanted than to rip this envelope open and read it's contents but she had to brace herself before she did, what was it anyway, a letter…? Slowly Marissa's thing long fingers opened the brown envelope and she looked inside it, Summer held her breath when she saw Marissa pull out a long blue A4 paper she released it and held it again.

Marissa read the papers and immediately tears sprang to her green eyes, Summer immediately kicked herself in the head mentally for giving it to Marissa but soon a smile adjoined the unshed tears on Marissa's face and it made Summer wonder.

'He signed…' she said and locked eyes with the brunette, her own smile grew bigger when the realisation started to sink in.

'He chose me, he signed the divorce papers.' She said and was now hugging the living daylights out of Summer while laughing out of pure bliss as she did so, she couldn't believe he actually signed the papers, that he actually wanted her too, but she better believe it because the signs were here, he did choose her.

Summer finally got out of her semi-coma and laughed along with her friend, she needed this and she finally got what she deserved, Summer pulled back and kissed Marissa on her cheek, she shook her head and got off her bed.

'Well what are you waiting for Coop get your ass out of your bed and go get him!' she yelled and before she could yell some more Marissa was already skipping down the stairs holding her car keys in her left hand and the papers in her right hand, yelling a quick 'I love you too Sum' while she was running to the door and as fast as she the words escaped her mouth the door closed behind her.

Summer slowly walked down the stairs smiling all the while and watching her friend make such a dramatic change emotionally she watched her contently and shook her head when she heard her yell just as she was getting into her car.

----

Knocking, unbelievably loud knocking could be heard throughout his apartment; Ryan quickly turned of his shower and ran towards his front door with a towel loosely hanging around his toned waist. He opened the door only to see her with a smile on her face that could light up an entire room and tears which were glistening due to the moonlight.

'Hey…' he said and before Marissa could reply with her own greeting he continued. 'I know that it might be too late, but just so you know I wanted to be with you from the start it was just too hard to let go of something you had known for so long, to be out there again, putting yourselves out there…I want to be with you…and' before he could continue her lips collided with his.

They stumbled through his very well sized apartment neither one breaking the kiss as Marissa let go of all the contents in both hands Ryan's hand securely locked on the back of her head and the other held the small of her back. When air became an issue both pulled away breathing heavily while their eyes locked with one another, they didn't say a thing they just stared at each other.

Marissa leaned in yet again, her forehead touched his and their eyes were still upon each other, their lips almost touched and their breaths became one when Marissa whispered 'I want to be with you too', Ryan couldn't take the distance anymore and locked his lips with hers, his tongue begging for entrance which Marissa gladly gave him as she opened her mouth slightly.

Marissa got rid of her clothes with a lot of help from Ryan and his towel was long forgotten, he held by her waist and her long legs locked around his as he walked them to his bedroom and laid her down on his king sized bed upon the satin sheets that felt cold against her naked skin making her shiver ever so lightly.

'I think I'm starting to fall in love with you…' Marissa said as he hovered above her.

'I think we're way passed that now.' Ryan said while leaning in to kiss her soft lips his hands travelled down her beautiful beauty and he stopped a second when he saw a big bruise on her thigh, the memory of the day came back to him, he gave her that bruise when he pinned her down on the floor to try and safe her his eyes travelled back to hers and she had tears in her eyes making Ryan smile sadly at her.

He kissed each eye and then travelled down to kiss her thigh, he was being tender and loving and every single time he touched her regardless to where or how she shivered and her heart beat quickened, needless to say Ryan felt the same way.

He entered her slowly and their eyes stayed locked on one another both never wanting to look away, this moment was more than special it was everything they had been waiting for, sure they had sex before but this was so much more and how clichéd it sounded they both felt that they weren't having sex, they were making love undeniable sweet rhythmic love.

Both blondes moved in sync, holding onto each other while filling up each others wants and needs their lips locked their noses grazed, their foreheads touched, their hands intertwined, their heartbeats quickened, their breaths caught in their throat and something special happened that night, their souls became one.

Ryan collapsed on top of Marissa breathing in heavily he was sweating as was Marissa, she could still feel him inside her and it made her feel complete, whole even. They stayed that way with Ryan feeling as if he was crushing her and Marissa wanting him to crush her some more, they stayed that way until his beeper rang loudly through out his room, after some beeps Ryan got up and shot Marissa an apologetic look while he went into the living room.

'It's a 911 I've got to…' before Ryan could finish his sentence Marissa's beeper began beeping as well just as loud as Ryan's had just done, she ran to his living room and retrieved her beeper out of the back pocket of her dark faded skinny's.

'What do you know 911.' Marissa said while smiling half heartedly both adults went to grab their clothes and met up in Ryan's living room when they were done, Ryan grabbed both of them a cup of coffee and handed Marissa one she was about to grab it when he leaned in and kissed her on her lips hard. She smiled into the kiss and laughed when he pulled away finally getting her coffee and taking a sip they were both walking out of his house.

Ryan heard his phone ring and handed Marissa his keys telling her to wait for him in his car he walked towards his phone as quick as possible hoping it wasn't the hospital asking where he was, when he saw it was the hospital he sighed and braced himself for apologizing.

'Ryan!' asked a frantic Summer after he greeted whoever called him, Ryan however never expected it to be Summer and was confused to say the least as to why she was calling him.

'Summer are you okay?' he asked and before he could ask some more she was yelling and panicking.

'No I'm not okay…listen to me Ryan Marissa can not come to the hospital…' she told Ryan and once again left him confused.

'Why?'

'Because the 911 was for her mother Ryan.' She yelled and he was sure he could hear her sniffle.

'Hey Ry are you coming?' Marissa asked as she stood in his doorway and smiled at him his broke immediately broke for her, he heard Summer on the other end of the line and didn't know what he was supposed to do.

'Ryan whatever you do, do not let Marissa in this hospital this will break her!' she yelled and with that she put the phone back on its holder breathing in heavily she braced herself for going back and prayed to God Ryan was a good liar who she would know wasn't if she talked to his brother.

_The answer is simple really, we're human we need to know we can't be left in the not known, that's why Einstein was world's famoust scientist he gave us answers to what we did not have answers too, and we are still hoping that one of these days we can answers questions that are important to us, there was one question I was going to ask myself one of these days I just didn't know it yet was; 'Why do people think they're protecting you when they lie?'_

**Okay that was a little cliffhanger! Leave me a review! Pretty please:D**


End file.
